The Husband is 51

The husband turned 51. He spent his 50th milestone year doing loads of things he loves — playing music, making music, watching gigs and ermm sorting out his Sonos set-up at home and rearranging speakers, and new speakers and a soundbar. 

This year, he's into this program whereby Claude is his gym trainer. I took a look at the program and thought it okay. Claude's pretty detailed that way. No real risk of rhabdo as long as he doesn't go too heavy or stress the heart too much with crazy cardio. He also decided to get his medical check-up and blood tests in order. He's meant to do this annually but he has skipped it for two years in a row. So he ought to get it done.

On his birthday, he still wanted to take Choya out to play. So we went to East Coast for the Smol Girl to get a sprint in. Oh, sprinted she did! When we dropped that leash, she didn't just run around on the beach. She also ran out of our sight, rounded by Starbucks and bounded back, TWICE. Tsk tsk. She was so so thrilled!

Then Choya and I took him to Joo Chiat to get his birthday gift — a pair of weightlifting shoes (brought in by Strength Yard). He is squatting 120kg on his 85-kg frame. And his ankles don't have the mobility needed to squat lower, and his knees need some cushioning. He could still raise his heels with weight plates. But an additional pair of proper shoes for squats and deadlifts would be nice.

Then we took him to lunch at Asador. The restaurant is sizzling HOT. There are only two outdoor tables (with high chairs), and at this angle, they face the sun, so go at 1pm if you can. I had to wear my cap all the way since the sun's rays hit full on. The overhead awning doesn't block off the sun. There are no wall or ceiling fans, please bring your own. 

Asador's set lunch menu is always easy. There's the week day version, and today's weekend set menu had two appetizers of scallops with pesto and oysters. Of course the husband added on anchovies on toast. He loves anchovies and sardines. Next time we'll come back to have its beef tartare and other items. Asador's grilled items and flavors appeal to our tastebuds.

It was humid and warm, and we drove. So we couldn't do a bottle of wine. We simply did a glass each. A refreshing and light white. We both opted for the a main of grilled sea bream with orzo, clams and fried leeks. Then there was dessert. We only wanted one portion. It came in the form of a Basque cheesecake with quince ice-cream. I liked that ice-cream loads!

Sixteenth

After four rounds of mopping and four rounds of vacuuming up paint flecks and wood dust from the fix in the ceiling, I was exhausted. I didn't have that much energy to like dress up for a fancy do and have a non-comforting dinner for our wedding anniversary. I don't need that anyway. The husband and I would very much prefer to have Choya with us on this date anyway.

Had to pick up the dog from 'daycare'. Heheheh. Our generous friends kindly took Choya for the day, to have her out of the way of the drilling, dust and cleaning. So sweet lah. The crew came in at 9.10am, and Choya went out with her Daddy, had a pee and a poop, and reached their home at 9.45am. Husband went to the gym. When I was all done and had a hot shower, it was already 5pm. It was time to retrieve the dog.

We had a G&T at the friends'. It was a good way to decompress. When we made no plans except to have a casual makan, the friends didn't mind hanging out some more with us (after seeing the dog for the whole day), we all toddled to Kizuna for a bite. Ahhhh.... comfort food. I couldn't say no to that. Pork jowl and a lovely bowl of steamed Japanese rice. And highballs. It's hilarious how we always spend our wedding anniversary with friends. 

The difference is, this year, everyone knows that October 18 is our wedding anniversary. Hahahaha. Nobody actually knew in the previous years because why would anyone expect others to remember their wedding anniversary. The husband and I don't do gifts. I don't have a habit of mentioning it to people or on social media, and I don't actually bother to 'celebrate' it. This year, I randomly mentioned it because of the 'anniversary dessert' at Charmgang, and the chosen date of injecting PU filler into the ceiling.

It's yet another mundane day. Hectic, but nicely concluded. I felt relieved at the end of it; I felt supported. I wouldn't want to have it any other way. 

T'was A Delightful Staycation!

This staycation is purely for Choya. It has to be Sentosa lah. Why would I bother with a staycation in town? Duhhhhh. I obviously chose Amara Santuary for her and this specific room because of its built-in fridge+freezer. I wouldn't compromise on her food and meals.  

We were pleased that she seemed to have really enjoyed it. She adapted so well to staying overnight in the Verandah Suite and had a ball of a time trotting up and down the stairs to get to our suite on the second floor. Her regular meal timings and foods were kept to. She ate well, peed and pooped well.   

She isn't into swimming in the open sea. She loves the beach. She had so much fun running on the sand and rolling in it. While she doesn't eat sand per se, she would have been licking here and there, so I needed to watch her ensure that she doesn't ingest that much and we needn't deal with the risk of sand impaction. Her daily solid poop told me what I needed to know — no issues with the sand. Whewwwww.

That said, the husband oddly had the best sleeps for months in this suite. He was on leave of course, and really ignored work emails for the week. That really helped with his stress levels and 'focus', he could fall into deep sleep. It's very hard for him to sleep through 7-8 hours a night. He did so on this staycation. We literally fell sleep by 11pm, and we woke at 7.30am. It was a restful stay.

When we talk about pet-friendly hotels, I'm evaluating it on that level. I'm not looking for 'luxury' for the humans. It's really for Choya. I can feel and I can tell if a hotel is truly pet-friendly, or if it's just paying lip service in wanting my money, but it doesn't really want my dog. I'll say it out — Capella and Raffles Sentosa ain't welcoming although they claim to be 'pet-friendly' and offer packages for stays with floofs. 

Would I do a staycation on Sentosa again? Sure. We totally lucked out with the weather this round. It was blazing sunshine through the week. The sporadic rains didn’t hit Sentosa. Due to its layout and the location of our suite, it's hard to enjoy a stay at Amara Sanctuary if it's the monsoon season. Perhaps I might check out Sofitel (it was the old Beaufort, and I rather enjoyed that incarnation) the next round, if I can figure out the logistics of Choya's food.

A Staycation With Choya!

This is as far as I'm willing to 'travel' with Choya. I gave it a big whirl, and decided that taking her along on a trip wasn't unnecessary. We'd have to spend minimally 6 weeks away to justify the rabies jab in her. Most importantly, she wouldn't be comfortable in-flight unless I break out a huge chunk out of the bank account to charter a private flight.

So it's across to Sentosa for a staycation. There really is no point doing a staycation in town. Heh. The husband and I never actually did one with Choya because if I can't figure out the storage of her raw food packs (vacuum-sealed), then there's no point to a staycation. Some of the purportedly pet-friendly hotels aren't fully pet-friendly. Many said no to installing a fridge in the room; some friendlier ones offered the use of their kitchen freezers. Only Amara Sanctuary Sentosa provided a working fridge in this particular suite. I'll talk more about this in the next post.  

The hotel has been recently renovated and reopened last November. So the rooms are still pretty spiffy. The gym equipment is rather dated though, and its outdoor space doesn't have fans — unbearable in this July heat. When this staycation is for the dog, and not so much for the humans, I didn't care so much about the peripherals of architecture and furniture. 

I was concerned about where Choya would be allowed on the grounds of the hotel. They allowed her pretty much everywhere since it's is an open-air resort. Wonderful. She could come into the lobby and all, but of course she can't go into the air-conditioned dining areas and meeting rooms. 

Choya is allowed at breakfast with us as well, at the sheltered al fresco tables cooled by giant air-coolers. (We had Choya's breakfast delivered to the room instead. She doesn't eat outdoors.) However, this means that it isn't ideal staying at the hotel during monsoon or heavy squalls. We wouldn't even be able to step out of the hotel to get to anywhere without taking the buggy. Even the only dining venue in the hotel that takes Choya would be soaking wet. 

We checked in with two suitcases, two cooler bags, and a guitar and an amp! Hahahaha. We don't know how to travel light. But hey, most things in the suitcases are for the dog's food prep. The Smol Girl knew something was up, and was super stoked that she came along with the suitcases. She thought we were going away and leaving her behind again. She was super thrilled sitting in the buggy for the short ride to the block where our suite is. 

NAE:UM :: 'Episode 9: A Hanok Prelude'

Took the man to NAE:UM for dinner. I never feel like I have to dress up for dinners at this venue. I can just go smart casual and be comfortable. Of course you could dress up if you wish, it is a chic restaurant with attentive service.

NAE:UM just launched 'Episode 9: A Hanok Prelude'. I skipped 'Episode 8: Journey of Hwagyo' because I didn't quite like the menu offerings which held jjajangmyeon, tangsuyuk, hotteok and the sorts. Not my kind of thing. 

Tonight's menu for Episode 9 was lovely. The restaurant switched up the way they do duck galbi, but it was equally tasty. The tomato dongchimi with shima aji sashimi was absolutely refreshing. This menu also held memilmyeon done the way I love — buckwheat, white kimchi and abalone. I love the diamond trevally with namul and fermented bean butter. There was so much umami in it. 

The kitchen's very practiced in its fish and seafood offerings. The meats are fine, but not that impressive. The chogye of chicken with Korean squash and canola blossom was beautifully presented, but when the meat is compressed like this, it just ended up tasting like a superb chicken sausage. The so galbi of short ribs with wild chives and kale was well presented and matched with its condiments, as expected. I only requested for the gravy to be placed at the side instead of drizzling it all over the meat.

I was so looking forward to the bap. That's always delicious. I wasn't disappointed tonight. The yeonnip-bap with dry-aged croaker, lotus and banchan was spectacularly tasty. I love my carbs. I asked for more rice in mine. Teehehehehe.

The man was so pleased with dessert. After the two desserts of strawberry sorbet with rice wine jelly and basil, and jooak (Korean rice cake) with cognac, truffle and jujube, the birthday mousse cake was trotted out for the man. He was stuffed to the brim after this. We skipped the final box of 'petit fours' because we had no more space for sugar, and wanted to get home to the dog. 

The Husband Turned 50

The husband celebrated his 50th over the weekend with a gig covering Smashing Pumpkins with Porcelina. He wanted to spend the day doing something that he loves. He had asked if the band would mind coming together on this date, and everyone was game for it. Yay! 

Many of the friends wouldn't be in town over this long weekend, but many still were. So to that, we just decided to throw a party anyway. Those who could make it, popped up. It was fantastic to see everyone. It was a good crowd and a great party. Ironically, and to our relief, the husband and I didn't drink that much. He (and the band) had to remain sober; I had door duties and logistics to sort out. I had one glass of whisky, then the glass held iced water all night. I did chug a cold bottle of Asashi at the end of the night. The audience mostly did all the drinking. Heh!

Rehearsals for gigs are always gruelling. No band will not put in that effort. And that effort made by talented musicians will always shine. They sounded awesome, totally doing justice to the Pumpkins' vocals and riffs. Tonight, they did my all-time fav Pumpkins song — 'Tonight, Tonight' (from 'Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness' 1996). Wheeeeeeee!

At this point in life, we've said permanent farewells to friends in the same age group who had passed on and never got to turn 50. We're well aware of the pure blessing of being alive and healthy, and seeing friends doing all right too. Those we see, we hold them close. The husband was absolutely touched that people came, danced and had loads of fun. Often, social media interactions don't quite make up for IRL hugs and chats. Thanks for coming out, people!

Turning 47

My heart has beaten for 47 years. How long more, I wonder. An adult female's heart weighs between 230-300g. That doesn't seem like much huh, but it is the one powerhouse keeping everything running. I'm not sure what more I can do to improve heart health. I just keep everything I eat and drink in check, and in moderation. 

47. 

What weighs heavy on the heart? 

What have I achieved at 47?

Life and living to me is not about achieving social or family milestones. It's not about gaining medals or accolades or societal recognition. When getting excellent academic grades came easy to me, I started wondering what else is beyond academic achievements. I didn't walk the path the parents set for me. I didn't want to be the CEO of anything, and I knew for sure I never want to be the CEO of any business either. I don't have the smarts to be a CFO of any sort either. I like assisting. I like being an assistant. I like being No.3 or No.5 in a hierarchical structure of either a corporation or a charity. I like fading into the background. Let me do my job quietly.

The country of birth and the family born into create privileges that allow for more privileges. What I choose to do with these given privileges is how I decide what to do with my adult life. I've never had an identity crisis. I'm not given to feeling imposter syndrome or anything inadequate. Since I was a kid, I've been told that I'm an overachiever. I've always been comfortable in my own skin doing what I want to do even as 'elders' question me. This confidence that I've had since I was a kid, never diminished. I've not lost it. I do things as I deem fit, not as what society sees as appropriate. 

Yet I have zero heroic aspirations. I do not want my name in any society magazines, entrepreneurship journals, environmental activists kind of thing. I just do me. I do what I can for my community and my sphere of influence. Put me in a war zone, and my conscience and learnt behavior will be very much different. 

Who I am married to doesn't define me, but how this marriage navigates life, will affect my confidence since this is supposed to be a loved one, a confidant. I didn't know what to make of marriage. But I know what it takes to carry on with a long-term relationship. That said, I wasn't prepared to let it dictate my life. I am still cognizant that I need to be seriously independent to move on with life if separation, divorce or death happens in this relationship. 

I'm fairly pleased at how life has panned out. I am contented. I am thankful. I am still Catholic, but I am not religious. I have allowed my conscience and instincts to guide my choices and attitude towards people, situations and circumstances. I am glad that my education and beliefs allow for a morally strong conscience in this particular set of social norms. 

I love my friends for thinking of me this month. I don't need presents. Their friendships are my best gifts. An easy meal is always welcome. I don't need fancy; I love comfort food. A coffee too, works beautifully, if that means I get a precious hour with a loved one. 

I'm spacing out meals because I definitely can't do heavy foods daily, and I need to go easy on the alcohol too. Not everyone's schedule can squeeze me into this week. Hence, I decided it's prudent (for my stomach and people's calendars) to space out birthday meals to span the whole month.  

47. Hello.

Buko Nero Always Hits A Spot

We went out to dinner to mark our 15th wedding anniversary. Among all the fancy restaurants and such, we opted for the unassuming but solid Buko Nero. It's a restaurant that has slipped from our radar for years. It was time to re-visit.

Chef Oscar Pasinato and his wife Tracy still helm everything at Buko Nero, with a little help from three staff — two in the kitchen and one on the floor. Imagine, this 20-seater restaurant has been around since 2000, churning out consistent food and fairly fun flavors. It's totally deserving of diners' support. The restaurant didn't request for a credit card deposit upon making a reservation. They still go by the honor system, a rarity nowadays. 

I really should come by more often. At S$42++, their 3-course set lunch is reasonably priced in this climate, even if I add on $15 supplement for say, a pasta with bottarga and white asparagus. The menu is refreshed with weekly specials. Nice. I was surprised that they still serve bread and a complimentary appetizer at dinner. 

The husband remembered the restaurant's signature Tau Kwa Tower, which is still on the menu! I honestly didn't have any recollection of that. Had to order that. It's literally salad perched atop warm tau kwa, drizzled with kecap manis, what's not to like? The kitchen kindly split the soup for us into two smaller bowls. Had to have the borlotti beans soup with crab and Thai basil.

We shared the mains of tagliolini with lobster, and a seared sea bream on a bed of sea urchin and orange salsa. Both were excellent. In our younger days, we would have done two pasta and a fish. Now, we couldn't even make it to a meat main anymore. The husband managed to do dessert. He made space for it because it said 'Horlicks Delight'. He can't resist anything that includes his childhood favorite of Horlicks. He inhaled it all by himself. 

I am glad that the wine list is extensive and the prices are coherent. At least I'm not smacked over the head with overpriced wines. Well, alcohol in Singapore is already heavily taxed, and the bars and restaurants simply mark it up even higher. I didn't mention anything about celebrating an anniversary to the restaurant. I'm not looking for complimentary items (no stomach space), and I don't want dessert or things to come written with 'Happy Anniversary' on the plate or something. NOT MY STYLE LAH. I just want to have my dinner and quietly leave with a happy stomach.

Fifteenth

The husband and I marked our 15th wedding anniversary today. We didn't plan for any 'celebration' except to simply spend the day with the dog, and each other. We're at the age of which we appreciate mundane and uneventful days. We don't need any sort of drama, medical or otherwise. 

It really doesn't feel like it has been 15 years. Time truly flies when a partnership is strong and keeps its fundamentals. Now, it's not a matter of 'forever'. It's time to ask ourselves, can I do life alone without the husband? And he asks the same of himself — can he do life without me? 

Sure we can. We must. It might be less fun, a tad lonely, but we must be at the emotional maturity that we can continue without each other. We mustn't feel like the whole world is crushed if one of us dies. That's the reality we must sort out, administratively and emotionally. We never felt joined at the hips that way, but it's just when years go by and you do everything and many things with your spouse, you tend to feel a sort of dependency that creeps in. And that isn't a feeling I welcome. I only need the husband to sort out his will and finances and all so that we keep our current lifestyle as we age. (Obviously I have sorted out mine.) I do not like cleaning up other people's administrative messes. LOL 

I'd have preferred it if I could clock in a night of solid sleep. But with the Northeast Monsoon back and the rains in the nights, it wasn't meant to be. The thunder that comes at this time rattles the windows and rolls every 20 minutes. When I'm up but still sleepy and will nod off, that roll of the thunder every 20 min or every 30 minutes ensure that the dog wakes me at 3am and I don't get any respite until 6.15am. I can barely function through the day. Regardless, this is the life we signed up for when we took Choya into the home.

So the first thing I needed on this day, is coffee, then hashbrowns. Comfort food. I kept awake enough to pop in to Gyrotonic, then had to succumb to an afternoon nap. On days I lack sleep, it's impossible to do any sort of squats or weights. I'd likely injure myself because I don't have the energy to lift heavy at all or even find the stamina to do a HIIT class. 

I don't need a significant price tag attached to an 'anniversary gift', and I certainly don't need flowers. No flourishes needed at all. Why should this day be so special outwardly. We can make every day special if we want to. And we do that throughout the year. Something. It doesn't have to be done on the day of the wedding anniversary. 

Every day that the husband stays healthy, is already a gift to ME. We're still in love with each other, and we make the commitment count, every day. I don't have expectations of what he 'must do' for me. (But FFS, just put the dirty laundry in one spot and not all over the place. That. Anyway. Haha.) I need his acceptance of ME, of who I am as I age and character traits shift. I need simplicity, and seek easy vibes; I do not wish for complications in my life.  

The Husband Turns 49

We would need to pace out the husband's birthday celebrations with friends if it involves meals. There's no way we could eat so much every day. We have to schedule these heavier meals apart. So nowadays, birthday celebrations will last the month. Hahahah. 

Besides joining the husband at the gym for a Grid class in honor of his birthday, I also took him (and the dog) out to dinner at Fico. It was a super hot day, but the restaurant's fans cooled the area sufficiently, along with a sea breeze that stirred. Whewwww. It was like 35°C, and in the day, felt like 40°C. 

Choya likes her little spot at the restaurant. They also bothered to put ice cubes into her water bowl. She only drinks from clean bowls that hold iced water. Of course she would drink from this one. It was so hot and humid that we didn't feel like drinking much. Alcohol is just going to make us feel warmer. No bottles then. The husband took a pint of beer, and I took a glass of red. 

The husband had half a dozen oysters, and also stracciatella cheese with endives. We shared a portion of malfadine with ossobucco, almonds and red wine. The portions of pasta here are small-ish. But it was sufficient for one person. We couldn't (cannot) do a plate of pasta each; had to share. 

We were single-mindedly interested in the fish. A whole branzino was ordered. It came faster than the cautioned long wait of 35 minutes. The fish was really braised to perfection. It was delicious. There was no point for the server to split for us. We just ate it as is, and cleaned it.  

Husband's First Work Trip of 2024

The husband was away for the first work trip of the year — a full week in Sydney, Australia. HECK, YEAHHHHH! While it's always nice to have him back safe and sound, I really enjoyed him being away for a bit and having the whole flat to myself. Teeeehehehe.

For starters, the moment he left, I changed out the covers on his pillows and duvet to wash and air them. THE WHOLE BED WAS MINE. YES! Then I vacuumed the whole house, washed the toilets, scrubbed everything down, and mopped the floors. OMG. It was absolutely satisfying. (No I don't bother hiring a cleaning agency or a helper on a weekly basis because I can handle it on my own for now.)

I could finally have some quiet in the flat. OMG. The husband is SO NOISY. Guitars, amps, television, music over the speakers. There'll always be sounds. It's only quiet when he's not at home or when he's fast asleep. He turns the gadgets up so loud. I don't turn it up beyond a certain volume. The quiet is so comforting. Even lights. My gawwd. I see great in the night with minimal light; he doesn't. So he turns on all the lights ablazing, which hurts my sensitive eyes. I was so so so so so pleased to sit in the dark, save for the lights from outside. I didn't even need music. I rather enjoy listening to sounds of the night, albeit urban cacophony.  

I didn't have to consider the husband's food needs either. I could just eat one meal a day and not run the risk of indigestion. He needs to have three meals a day. I can't. This is why I used to get indigestion on vacations or work trips till I told him to stop forcing me to eat so many meals a day. I started to dread meal times unless I decide what to eat. I need to portion out what goes into the stomach. 

I like my solitude, and I like being alone. Although it means I have to care for Choya without much help. I could ask the friends to help out, but this round, there wasn't a pressing need to. The friends have kindly accommodated me and included Choya in our outings and meals, so I was all good.

The husband definitely wouldn't mind being away for week-long work trips every month. Two weeks might be a tad long for him unless he finds indie gigs or cool shows that he wants to catch. I have no issues with either time frame. If he needs to be away for the month, that's okay too. Oof.

First Week of 2024 :: A Sushi Omakase Dinner

The husband and I closed out 2023 with a meal at Miraku, and started 2024 with another dinner at the same restaurant. I always prefer a meal with lighter flavors and proteins of fish over steaks and turkey and whatnot. I can't say that these meals weren't big on carbs, but at least they weren't stuffing me up the way pasta, bread and potatoes would. 

It was easy to decide on Miraku because it's our default option for sushi omakase meals. We didn't need 'authentic' or a super fancy option; we needed somewhere comfortable and casual. We like Chef Hei's creative flavors. The meals were enjoyable because they didn't require a ritual and a four-hour commitment. 

Both nights were a last minute booking based on the weather (because, dogs); and thankfully, Miraku had seats for us, and we were pleased to be done with both meals in two hours. We were even happier to get back to chilled out dogs who welcomed us home rather enthusiastically. Well, they were hungry and wanted their dinner.

Began 2024's first sushi omakase meal with a lovely bottle of 'Toyo Bijin Aishan Junmai Daiginjo' (東洋美人 特吟 純米大吟醸 愛山) from Sumikawa Brewing Company in Yamaguchi Prefecture. They produce the brand Toyo Bijn (東洋美人 ). It went well with our preferences tonight and complemented all the fish.

As usual, it was shiny fish galore! Wheeeee. I loved all the sushi! Tonight, I asked for seconds of some of the fish I liked. Glad for the fruits that came at the end of the meal. There was a piece of in-season kinkan! I love kinkan when it's in bite-sized portions like this.

These meals were my way of buying the husband dinner. Paid for it with my credit card fulfilled by my bank and my income. If you're curious, we do not have a joint bank account. We initially did, but realized quickly that while it's prudent, it doesn't work for us. Keeping our finances separate, with wills clearly drawn up, work for us. Heh! 

After years of marriage or a long partnership, I have already run out of ideas of what to buy for the husband on special occasions. We have built many shared experiences, and that's precious enough. Often, a delicious meal eaten together works for us. Call it a 'date night', if you will. We so rarely have that now because there's always Smol Girl with us, and we end choosing venues that will take her, over the types of foods we're keen on. The rate of us trying out new restaurants is low because we don't want to ditch her too often in inclement weather. 

The Husband's Quality of Sleep

When I'm in bed in the nights, sometimes I turn on the iPad to watch shitty dramas or b-grade films or to read. It's supposedly a terrible habit. It does interfere with me getting the nine hours of sleep I need, but whatever. The husband grumbles that the light emanating from the iPad is too bright. 

On nights that he isn't wearing a sleep mask, I put up a wall of pillow and duvet, and shimmy under to read/watch my things. Choya sleeps in her own room and also wanders over to sleep in the bathroom. The light from my iPad doesn't bother her at her. 

So Ryo is on a staycation with us these few weeks. He has long chosen his sleeping spots, and has merrily stuck to sleeping with us in the bedroom. He sleeps in his three comfy corners in the room, keeping quiet and never disturbing us. Unless he's borking (like one growl or a bark) at Choya when she's trying to get up on the bed or wake me up because, rain apocalypse. Ryo disapproves of that. LOL

That first night when Ryo came over and bedtime rolled around, I slipped under the covers, checked the my social media feeds for a final update and the last few texts, and announced I was going to sleep.

Me: Good night, husband. 

Husband: Are you super tired tonight? Off to bed straight? No iPad? There's nothing for you to watch?

Me: Nope. Don't want to watch or read. The light would disturb Ryo's quality of sleep. No iPad when Ryo's here.

(Eyes were closed and I wasn't even thinking much of it when I replied.)

Husband: !!!

("And it doesn't disturb mine?") 

He was completely indignant.

Fourteenth

Has it been 14 years of marriage for the man and I?  

It's hard work to keep any long-term relationship steady, and filled with love and laughter. It doesn't have to be one with a marriage contract. It's only easy when two minds are in sync, if your fundamental morals and principles and how you do things are complementary at the same point in your lives. That's not going to happen all your lives.

We didn't celebrate our wedding anniversary in a big way or in any way that might be deemed a celebration except on our terms. I didn't need flowers (that might be attempted murder. lol) or an eventful day of special activities. I wanted a simple easy ordinary day. I kinda got it. It's pretty private, isn't it, how we choose to mark a wedding anniversary? This year, we chose to have a few casual meals over the week with friends who don't know and weren't aware it's our anniversary since I remained silent on social media. 

In the night, things happened. I had settled in to watch a film. But before I could begin, my phone exploded with texts between 11pm to 1am with unpleasant news.

This time last year, I had plenty of dead bodies and old folks to sort out. This year, we've got a number of dogs to care for. It's really odd but on the same night, these floofs' pawrents had medical emergencies which required their presence and attention at the hospitals. This meant that for the next two or three days, their floofs need taking care of — minimally two walks a day and two feeds. Alrighty. Done. 

I had to shift some things around, but deadlines are deadlines; those are locked in. I had a quick think. I could just about manage the schedule and make space for these floofs. I would be the main caregiver and handler. The man was happy to support me. It was hectic. You know what? I'm fine with it. I wouldn't bend over backwards to do this, I would say no if I couldn't. But I could. So I did. I do not do things to make someone else happy. I do it if it's a reasonable request and not detrimental to my happiness. 

I really don't mind being of service to our friends. I can be rather emotionally distant, and if I can run errands or do things for friends, then that's one way of telling them that I care. We're all only getting older. If we can't count on the friends we have now (whom we can assume, it's for life), then who can we count on? We do many things on our own; we might prefer that. But occasionally we will need help. Often, people who are 'family', aren't the best choices for certain kinds of help we need or welcome. We'll always have the good times, all the parties. But who will be there when the bad times roll in? Who do we want to be here with us?

สวัสดีกรุงเทพอีกครั้ง :: Hello, Krung Thep!

Hey Bangkok/Krung Thep, you're another city of my heart. How I've missed you. Can't believe that I'm here! And I'm here with the husband. It's our first trip together in 3.5 years. Didn't think this could be real because the care of Choya is a huge concern that is our priority. If things didn't pan out, the husband was willing to stay and have me come instead. Can't believe that I managed to make this trip happen. There were so many moving pieces. I put things in place and prayed for the best. I can't be more thankful that it is happening. More about this later. 

It was hilarious because we thought to arrive at the boarding gate at 7am for the 7.30am SQ flight out. They did say that the boarding gate would close 10 minutes before departure time. Yet they sent people out to meet us halfway to the boarding gate. That was 7.05am. I was bemused. We got into our seats at 7.08am. Realized that we were the last ones in. It was a rather empty flight, as expected of this timing. THEN, get this, the moment we belted up, the plane doors closed and we took off at 7.12am. SAY WHAT.

I love complimentary inflight-wifi if I'm on vacation or a personal trip. I really don't mind it to check all my stuff and not to do work. I had plenty of time to text Bangkok peeps that I'm coming in. I didn't exactly tell them prior! I told two friends whom I knew I would meet. I didn't want to bother the rest, especially when this is a peak work period and many are also traveling and won't be in Bangkok.

We landed to a light drizzle in Bangkok. Cleared customs fast and the baggage retrieval wasn't too slow — all done within 40 minutes of arrival. We were still 20 minutes earlier than scheduled. I thought to just take a cab or get the hotel to send a car. But K insisted that she had time, and would pick us up and drop us at the hotel. She was literally on her way to the office, which wasn't near the airport at all. It was a giant detour from home to the airport, and to our hotel, then her office. K decided to skive off the morning (legitimately she could); she had a coffee with us before leaving. I was sooo touched. 🥹

อา เพื่อนรักของฉัน มันดีมากที่ได้พบคุณอีกครั้ง

The Man Turns 48

The husband was absolutely flooded at work yesterday. Luckily we planned to stay in for dinner. I cooked. He wasn't fussy about the what we ate. So I did the usual easy stir-fry dishes. Soup, fish and vegetables. Plenty of protein too. The cleaning up was a bit painful, but it has to be done each time I do meal like this. Might as well use the opportunity to mop the floor and all.

Had picked out a fresh kurau fillet. Sliced off a little for Smol Girl's snack. She can't do salmon anymore; she seems to be okay with white fish so far. But she doesn't eat fish often anyway. For the humans, I marinated our fillet in salt and pepper, garlic and onions and old ginger slices. Seared it crisp. The skin was beautiful. Tossed up up xiao bai chye in fish sauce as well. #ImpieCooks2023 

Made a pot of 'sweet' soup — carrot, pear and old cucumber with pork ribs and chicken feet. Of course dried oysters and scallops went into the pot. Skipped the dried squid. When the soup was done, I added Fuzhou fishballs to the mix. Then just before serving, I topped it with crisp wongbok cabbage. 

The husband turns 48 today. Wow. Where did the time go? He's survived for almost half a century with health, intelligence and sanity intact. 

Happy Birthday, my love. Keep being true to yourself and do what you will and what you want to. Year on year, account for joy, accumulate as little angst as possible. Be sure that when you look back, you know that the year past was richly lived. Regret nothing. ♡

Happy 13th, My Love

That day I saw three dead bodies. Saw two before they were prepped for cremation, and one at the wake. All in all, I attended three wakes in a day. I was glad that they passed with minimal pain (hopefully) and suddenly. Well, as sudden as any deaths are, with not too much tragic circumstances surrounding it. Two had a very short wake since they had no known or contactable living relatives, and the third was a well-loved father survived by his wife and adult daughters.

It didn't feel that heavy, emotionally. It is what I specialize in for my volunteer work. It didn't turn out that way. I just wanted to volunteer with charity work for old folks. Over the years, I found where I'm most needed. After a while, I'm not even sure I want to call it 'charity work'. It's unpaid work for sure, but it isn't exactly charity. It's just what I do, and that's that. Not many people can deal with illnesses, palliative care and death. I can. Death is the end of the life cycle, and likely the season of our aging parents and elderly relatives now.     

After I settled paperwork for two of my deceased old folks, I had to attend one more wake in the night. But first, I needed to eat. It was our wedding anniversary, and we had fixed a casual dinner at Kamoshita. I was looking forward to a hot cup of dashi, a bowl of rice, a few glasses of sake and a highball. I got all that, and a plate of ultra delicious stir-fried beef tongue. 

Dates are as important as the value we place on them. If we're lucky, there're many wedding anniversary dates to mark. If so, should we adhere to what advertising gurus suggest as celebratory options? Or we do it as we will. Well, we do us. True to who and what the husband is, he had no issues with work and for us to see dead people on our wedding anniversary. I know. 

Make no mistake, marriage is work. You can mind-map all you want while resolving conflicts, but if there isn't sufficient trust and an enormous love for your partner, this relationship is not going to work. At the end of the day, it's still about whether you love your spouse and if you're in love with her/him enough to make this a lifetime commitment. 

You could take a leaf from any marriage counseling guides out there. It could be religious or secular; it doesn't matter, as long as it is coherent and solid. If you can't even get understand that 'routines and set routines = boredom = stability', and long for something different, then perhaps a long-term relationship classically defined by society isn't for you.  Excitement and an adrenaline rush in a relationship brought about by external environmental factors are wrought by the couple themselves. Career switches, relocating to another city, new hobbies, children or not, pets or otherwise, uhhhh swinging, et cetera. You must want to do these together. 

The husband and I. We are 13 years married now.  

Marriage for us feels like this pot of tai-meshi 鯛めし (sea bream rice) cooked in a claypot/donabe, not the electric cooker. We've got to practice till our rice turns out perfectly cooked on the stove to the magic ratio of 1:1.15, depending on what type of grains are selected. 

We've established our roles in this marriage, and pretty much could navigate conflict resolution with ease. The trust in this commitment allows us to grow as individuals. Without this independence and freedom, we won't be able to grow the marriage either. 

I read somewhere that there're a few stages of marriage. There's this 'power struggle stage' within the first few years before getting to the penultimate 'co-creation stage'. Even so, marriages end for random reasons. People can simply fall out of love, or decide that 'I'm done with us' and move ahead with life alone or with a new partner, regrets notwithstanding. I try not to judge people's choices. Who knows if I will do the same. If my husband chooses to do so, I hope he makes an ethical choice that wouldn't hurt me too much. My self-esteem might take a beating, but I’ll live. I love myself and I know what I’m worth. We only have this one life. We should live it as we will.   

Power Struggle : As the honeymoon stage ends, the power struggle stage begins. Your life as a couple gets hard in this stage. The monotony of marriage becomes felt. It’s when you or your spouse’s dreams aren’t turning out as expected.

Stability Stage : In this stage, you accept your partner as a unique individual. Rather than wishing for your partner to change, by now you’ve learned to respect your partner. You’ve figured out how to resolve differences and you each have established roles. This stage brings peace and stability, but with that comes routine and set roles. This can be boring for some. Growth requires risk and ongoing learning. Being too comfortable in the routine of this stage means your marriage does not grow.

Co-creation : In this stage, you and your partner consciously use your partnership to benefit people (or something) beyond your marriage. This typically involves engaging in a joint creative project.

A marriage is a partnership. Of equals, hopefully. It's similar to how you manage work projects isn't it? At least for me, it is. It has to be coherent and logical more than emotional. I don't like drama and I don't like games. I don't know much about 'co-creation'. If we didn't have many shared passions while dating, I don't see a need for us to share hobbies or projects while married. That's not what I want and that's not what he wants. For us, we can't be happier to be child-free. It's a conscious decision, and 13 years on in our marriage and maybe in the 18 years we've known each other, I can say that it's the best decision ever, for us. I'm totally not interested in having babies and raising children. There's no such thing as 'let's get married and think about kids later' — it's not for me because I never wanted children and I needed my dates and long-term partner(s) to know that.

But the husband and I do think beyond our relationship, beyond familial ties. We ponder about what can we do for XXX and YYY, and what we can do to better the community that we serve. These are neither mutually exclusive nor obligatorily done together as a couple. We've always done these even before the marriage. Marriage isn't for a couple to change each other into their perfect ideals. It's supposed to help mould us into what we want to be as we age. 

When it's all said and done, the husband and I love each other for what we are, and what we are 'growing' into. We don't need to change each other to what we want each other to be or hope for each other to become. We know what we're getting when we decided to commit to each other and live together as a couple. We are exactly who we want to be at this point in time. 

Acute Complicated Appendicitis

The man is suddenly stricken with severe abdominal pain that deteriorated overnight and ended up at the A&E at 6.30am. He had developed complicated appendicitis. The appendix was perforated and there was a risk of peritonitis. He got the emergency surgery required. 

It was a textbook laparoscopic appendectomy done. I was relieved. Thankfully there wasn't any peritonitis. But an abdominal drain tube was needed because he was at risk for postoperative intra-abdominal abscess (IAA) formation. Daily blood tests, a follow-up X-ray and an infusion of antibiotics were par for course. A simple case of appendicitis and laparoscopic appendectomy required maybe a 2.5 day stay at the hospital. For the man, we're looking at minimally four nights.  

The post-operative fever hit as scheduled and spiked to 40°C. It came down and returned, and finally broke after 12 hours. He rejected all the food the hospital sent in for meals because they were seriously horrid. He had poor appetite, and preferred his food to be brought in by yours truly. While he had about 200ml cups of soups and tablespoon-full portions of say, spinach and tofu, he really couldn't eat much for two days. His first slightly more substantial meal was eaten only on the third day post-op, along with a first decent night of sleep.

I'm not the best cook, but I can produce edible food. And I have the mind space to do some sort of quick and utilitarian cooking. I'm concerned about the man, of course. But I'm not too worried and I'm not stressed. He is in the good hands of the medical team. My capacity to bear such 'emotional' loads is quite high. I work with old folks at hospices and I always take palliative care patients under my wing if they needed a social worker. This isn't different. I can compartmentalize very well. What more, I have a Smol Girl who needs me more than the man does.   

Bananas and eggs are a tremendous source of needed potassium; he had plenty of that. He didn't want the IV of potassium chloride. That is ridiculously painful with horrid side effects. Brown rice and yoghurt helped to settle his topsy-turvy digestive system. The fever stayed away. He slept better and began to eat more. Whewwww. 

N had made yong tau foo for herself, and made extras. She insisted on keeping a box for us. She delivered it and added a big bag of fruits too. Awwwww. She didn't have to go through all the trouble, but she did. There were plenty for both the man and I to eat over two meals. I packed some for the man's dinner. He was hungry and ate it all up. Post-op Day 4 marked the first day he ate proper (small) portions of lunch and dinner. 

With some bits of sleep and normalized portions of meals, he's doing so much better. His surgical drain tube saw 50ml today. The lowest so far. He needs to get that down to under 25ml. I'm hopeful that he can go home before Monday comes around.

N's yong tau foo added on to the dinner box of brown rice, lean pork and nai bai.

Breakfast Omelette

The man often gets onto early morning calls. Despite those, he still takes the dog for the morning walks before jumping back on the calls. He's a breakfast person, and will usually make his own food. It's often a bowl of granola and yoghurt, a banana with a dollop of peanut butter, or a can of sardines on toast. 

On same days when he's super busy and can't make his own breakfast, I try to make him a simple hot plate. That morning, he walked the dog early and from 7.45am onwards, fielded calls. Then he had to rush to a gym class. The earliest he would take lunch was at 2.30pm. He wouldn't have time to make breakfast for himself. 

The fridge had the necessary ingredients. Oooookies. I can do easy savory eggs. So I made him a simple fry-up of eggs with mushrooms and greens. There was pita in the fridge. That would do for the base. The omelette would fill him up till he gets lunch after gym. Added a dash of hot sauce at the side for the extra ooomph. He was a happy camper.

Chicken Salad for Breakfast

All breakfasts should be assembled. I'm not that big on shrooms or sausages in the morning. I always prefer assembling food over cooking. Zzzzz. Okay, eggs are the exception. You can just do eggs on the stove in any way. However, I'm still not into breakfast if I'm not on a hiking trip, or stuck in a full work day with no mid-day meal breaks.

The man is a breakfast person. He has seasonal and rotational preferences when it comes to breakfast. Easy things at home mean Chinese steamed fluffy white chicken buns, siew mai, or sardines on toast. To that, avocados work too, as well as a chicken salad. The man has no objections to chicken in any form, as long as it's done right. Chicken breasts are his default because he likes the meat lean and with no skin.

Now, this chicken salad that the man likes. I could sous vide chicken breast for the dog and the man to share. But I really prefer not to handle raw chicken as far as possible. However, on many days, I buy a whole small honey-glazed roast chicken from Cold Storage. The point of this roast chicken is to be shredded into breakfast. It's basic food. No gourmet treatment necessary. For $4.90, this supermarket roast chicken hits a spot. This is a total life hack. 

The supermarket quartered it for me so that it's easier to manage. I don't bother heating up the chicken. It's nicer cold. By the time I'm done with the salad, it's no longer fridge-cold. All good. I hand-shred the chicken breast, and assemble a breakfast salad. There would be a base of greens, either spinach or rocket or a mix of both. Then I add all the toppers and toss them all in. That would be whatever I have in the fridge. 

• olive oil
• shallots
• cherry tomatoes
• sweet peppers
• Japanese cucumbers
• a dash of Worcestershire Sauce
• coarse black pepper, sea salt and paprika
• hot sauce (optional) 

Drizzle and serve. Made one the other morning for the man to fill the stomach before he went in for a marathon four hours of calls. On such a day, being hangry would be unbearable. He loves it because of all the flavors in there. It's hearty and filling, yet light and clean enough.