Thursday, October 17, 2024

12 Kinds of Kalguksu; I Ate None


After a heavy gym session, I honestly wasn't hungry. I probably needed a smoothie or something but not a full meal. But I already said yes to lunch with a bunch of gym buddies. Anyway we ended up at Seoul Noodle Shop. I don't care about the owners who are 'celebrity chefs'. I have no idea why it's popular or what is hot about it. I simply tagged along.

Everyone wanted to have knife-cut noodles (kalguksu), of course. It is a noodle shop! You'll have to eat the noodles. I was very not interested in kalguksu. It's very dough-y and I no like that much of it in Korean or Chinese style. There're 12 kinds of kalguksu bowls on the menu and I was interested in NONE. They had held gochujang. I do not take Korean or Chinese spicy. Eeeeeps. I was mildly interested in the perilla noodles, but the dish is only offered in a strange sort of off-white sauce/soup with pumpkin. Eioooow. Why can't it come dry and savory?

The whole table opted for the pork bone spicy soup. They added mini gimbap and mandu to the mains. So I ate some of those. They were okay. The table said the spice was mild in the soup (they would have preferred it spicier); I tried it, but naaaah. You know it's not a matter of level of spiciness for me. It's the taste of gochujang. Ugh. If there was tofu, maybe I'd be more keen on it. But it's never the 'soup' that I like. I opted for... the mul naengmyeon. Buckwheat and sweet potato noodles work better for me. I filtered out the bit of gochujang at the side and ate half my noodles. That was rather edible. It was a decent bowl. 

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

Why Is It Always The Women and Their In-Laws?


I literally laughed soooo loud while reading this. Ruth Chew's article on CNA published on 14 October, 2024, 'Ways for women: 5 tips on how to say no to your in-laws to maintain boundaries and harmony'. It gives you some ideas in saying no nicely. Well. 

These helpful suggestions are angled for women. I wonder, do the men ever need these sort of tips? Do they not put out articles to advise the husbands? It's always us women, isn't it? When I have no children, it makes it easier since there're fewer opinions and demands imposed on me. 

The article suggests that women with 'difficult' in-laws try to, Define Boundaries, Communicate Clearly But With Respect, Get Your Husband's Help and Support, Reinforce Boundaries and Find Middle Ground, and to See the Big Picture.

There are no right answers. Boundaries are different for different people. For example, some in-laws expect to see their children (and grandchildren) every day, while others feel that once a month or fortnight is fair, to cater more time for other activities. Don’t forget to share your boundaries with empathy, considering that your in-laws may not have had experience with the “younger generation” telling them no.

I won't comment much. You know where I stand on these issues, and you know I can say NO very well, till my in-laws have either come to fear me or view me with disgust, both of which I DGAF, because when I no longer respect them except as a fellow neighbor/human, their approval or opinions don't matter anymore. 

Actions speak louder than words. So the best way is to act the way you’d like to be treated. Show empathy, gratitude and respect for one another. Be mindful of their needs and wants too. This may require a change in behaviour or disrupting your own patterns to initiate this “change”. For example, setting time limits on the weekend for extended family visits. When you feel the tension building, take deep breaths and redirect the conversation, or step out for a quick walk.

I choose to distance myself from the in-laws and their toxic emotions and gaslighting perspectives. I do not share the same opinions and views and feelings on many matters, especially on the treatment of helpers and foreign workers, educating children, and how to best raise them, Palestine and Israel (and now Lebanon), etc. I don't even share their liking for their preferred food and meals. But man, even just having a dog, gets stupid and ignorant comments from them till I'll never ever leave Choya with them. Tsk tsk. 

It's pretty much, if I ignore you, please leave me alone. Nothing I say here on this blog is secret. I have told the in-laws to their faces, in about a thousand different ways, many times, as to what I think. I choose to avoid confrontation by keeping quiet. I don't enjoy conversations with them or their company. And the best I have done is to silently get up without responding, to leave the table or to leave the entire dinner altogether. I won't shove my opinions down your throat. But when I'm pushed into a corner, and being gas-lit, I'll tell you what I really think. 

All adults require time to adjust, including the elderly. It pays to have patience in seeing the big picture, which is the well-being of those in your family unit. 

Some battles cannot be won, so don’t sweat the small stuff. Being assertive is important to communicate your boundaries, but you don’t need to win every argument. Consider if this will matter in five or even 10 years. If it doesn’t, let it go. 

Learning to say no and setting healthy boundaries is not about keeping your in-laws out – it’s about letting others safely into your life. Steering your relationship with your in-laws can be confronting, especially in our Asian context. 

Remember, the goal is to create a balanced environment where everyone’s needs are met and respected, allowing you to lead a more peaceful life with a supportive family dynamic.

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Baybeats 2024 :: The 23rd Edition


The man and I met at the 4th Edition of Baybeats. The festival is now in its 23rd edition. Wow. It has been 20 years of attending Baybeats for us (definitely all 23 for the man), skipping a few years in between because we weren't in town.  

The man and I watched some gigs together on Day 1 of Baybeats. Then we took the Smol Girl to Day 2, and tag-teamed dog-sitting duty. Teeheheheheeh. There were Jay Chou shows and I think Andy Lau concerts in town; and some musical at Marina Bay Sands? Of course I wouldn't care. Not my kind of music. The bands at Baybeats were what I wanted to watch.

There were plenty of tech glitches. Esplanade uses SISTIC as a ticketing platform. SISTIC couldn't cope with the initial priority booking, and they had to hang that for days before getting it back online. Then the ticket confirmation emails came in without the promised attached PDF copy of the tickets. And of course the one time I didn't download the confirmation into my own PDF copies; SISTIC had a total system outage on the opening night of Baybeats, rendering all of us stranded and unable to open the link (gateway failed) and get our tickets and barcodes. Anyway, the front-of-house sorted it out fine and there weren't chaos at the venue. 

This year, the programming team worked really hard to have some of the bands slated at the ticketed venues also perform a set at the other non-ticketed venues (be it totally outdoors or in air-conditioning at the Concourse). That allowed all of us to have a chance to catch the shows in between every other demand on our time this weekend.   

Ahhhhh, Caracal, LITE (JP), Tokyo Shoegazer (JP), YONLAPA (TH), KIKI (TH), FUGŌ (Msia), Hands Like Houses (Canberra, AU), Berlin Psycho Nurses (Changsha, CH), B-Quartet, Sub-Shaman, et cetera. Loved hearing them all!