At work, the organization is setting up its database for efficient contact tracing in case of a pandemic. Each department is keeping a detailed list of contact names and numbers. Everyone is required to fill them in.
There're the usual columns for name, address, etc. Then there're the columns for emergency contact #1 and #2, and all the requested details of names of the 2 emergency contacts as well as their relations to us.
I filled up mine. Then I scanned the list to kaypoh at other people's details and heaved a sigh. Everyone else listed their Emergency Contact #1 as their wife or husband. Emergency Contact #2 is listed as sister/brother/mother/father.
My Emergency Contact #1 is listed as "Partner". Emergency Contact #2 is listed as "Partner's Mother".
Very telling, don't you think?
Remember,
"MOE said its framework reflects the mainstream values of Singapore society, where the social norm consists of the married heterosexual family unit. It added that schools do not promote alternative lifestyles to students." (read more in this article on channelnewsasia.)
When people tell me to get married, I ask them why and all the answers I get are, "Because God says so", "To prove that he loves you and wants to commit", "It's the norm." I can never get a satisfactory answer that's based on logic, point and pertinence. The good friend supplied,"So that if you have children, they won't just say 'ya' when people call them 'Oi bastard!'?" Still not convincing. Works only if I want children in the first place.
When I ask them what is it that the man can provide for me in marriage that he can't already provide for me now, I'm usually met by silence. Because if one breaks it down, people usually struggle when they start listing out how the spousal benefits are great in terms of insurance, medical and housing. Well, I can afford my own- do not need supplements via marriage. I don't even want to marry for love. Marriage versus living together- there isn't an ounce of difference in my mind. What the man has done for me, is clearly more than what some husbands do for their wives.
No wonder I've always been an outcast in terms of ideas, opinions and lifestyle. Not that I mind really.
17 comments:
When I saw this, I had to refrain from going burrrrrrrnnn in a scary brimstone and fire voice. Mostly because I'd just be doing it to myself and that would make me nuttier than I already am :))
I don't think that we got married for any of those reasons. And I do think that before I got married I did feel the same way - Simian says that he doesn't feel any different about our relationship either.
BUT, I have say that while I didn't expect it, I did feel differently once we got married. Somehow it's the whole ritual of standing up in front of family and friends to say you pledge your life to the person you're with. You don't need it obviously - but at least for me, it made me feel more committed.
dawn: i know! marriage becomes u! i don't think it's for me. i will feel resentful that i'm made to pander to the norm and do this. i absolutely hate the pledging in front of an audience bit. in fact, i will feel chained once we're married. there will be things i will 'have' to do because i'm married and not because i want to. so i think resentment will feature rather largely. i like doing things because i have reasoned with myself to do it and actually enjoy doing it, not because i 'have to'. the man strangely, doesn't mind the pledging in front of the (intimate) audience bit. hahahaha. i think he's the conservative truly. but he respects my wishes.
It really surprises me that Singaporeans are so obsessed with marry/not marry. Do they accuse people who don't like durians for making a wrong choice?
and since he respects ure decision. hes a keeper. babe, i dun think think there's anything wrong in taking things the unconventional way..its ure life!
kikare: it keeps the social fabric. here, it's still a stigma to be unmarried at 35. they start clucking at you at 30. after that, u're like social pariah. the social circles work like that too. married people with children don't go out (generally). so singles at that age are left alone. it's a strange system. and it works for the govt because then no one has energy to concentrate on civil society and other aspects needed to make a vibrant political syst. in sgp, if u've a family, that is the thing that binds u (or holds u hostage) to a job, secure behavior and a boring life. well, trivia- i don't like durians either. heh.
be true to yourself and do your thing. don't change for anybody! certainly must not change to live up to other people's expectations.
to each his own.
be true to yourself i'd say. ;)
nuttyjas: certainly so.
sinlady: i do that. :) although at times, i seem to make other people uncomfortable. oh well. not my problem. hehehe.
mistipurple: always.
Strangely enough, I've noticed that despite the whole 'liberal immoral Westerners' rap, most people actually get married here too. Some of my friends are hitting 30 and worried they're not getting married - and I don't think it's because of societal pressure but because they want to. They range from Europeans to Americans.
I think that by the time you hit your 30s, you notice your friends start fragmenting into the 'married with kids' and the 'single/married no kids' spheres. Soon you'll realise more and more are joining the first and I think that holds true for anywhere.
Over here, you'd be considered a common-law partner with equal rights as a married couple (except for a few exceptions).
"what is it that the man can provide for me in marriage that he can't already provide for me now"
My answer would be: exclusive bragging rights. Oh, and legally recognised first-dibs rights, too.
hahahaha.
dawn: i've many friends who are westerners and very conservative. heh.
kachunknorge: hmmm. bragging rights. must chew on that. first dips not an issue. we iron that out already legally, properly allocated and stuff. :)
Imp, if I can find a perfect answer, I'll use urs as a perfect example 2 qn all e kaypoh 'auntie' colleagues urging me 2 get married..honestly speakin, I'm onli 23 leh n I need freedom lor....!! *scowl* wth has it got 2 do wif all these ppl..?! fkin hell, still can ask me 2 stop shoppin often n get married..?!! wahaha...I dun even tink I'll invite dem if I do get hitch..haha..sorri but I feel dat these married ppl in my company are fkin desperate n kaypoh to urge singles to hitch n haf babies.. -.-
Been there, done that. No big deal. Be true to yourself.
Hmmmm... in Australia, you'd be a de-facto couple. But in Singapore, especially in the civil service, they will make you fill in the form again leh. Sorry... but we're really inflexible :(
mochalatte: only if you dare to answer them this way! later they say u're rude!!!
eveline: AIIGHT!
diva: HAHHAA. indeed. only in sgp.
Because you can wear a pretty dress and let everyone ooh and aah over you for the day! That's about it!!
I kid!
amanda: that's true!!! the dressing up is rather exciting! not a gown per se. but maybe a cavalli dress. ooh.
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