Who could have missed the huge rainbow last evening that stretched from horizon to horizon. I was at home, and stood at the balcony in awed silence at the bright colors and its supernumerary that majestically soar over the new skyline of our city. Rainbows are magical.
Amidst the angst about the job that I need to sort out on my own, the man has been incredibly supportive. Since I married the dude, I'm kinda obligated to inform, or involve him in any major decisions I undertake. He reiterated that I should do what my heart tells me. It isn't the loss of a regular salary he's worried about. That won't make any difference to our lifestyle. My income isn't solely derived from a salary given by a job. Importantly, we have few financial commitments, little overheads, zero debts and no mortgages.
The man is more concerned that I'm giving up something that has turned out so wonderful, a job that I love and feel immense satisfaction for. He saw how sad I was for the last 2 weeks. He knows I'll be better off beginning a new chapter next year. Life after university years was fabulous- I didn't have a full time job, I did what I wanted when I wanted. Then, for a lark and to try out staying in Singapore, I took on this full-time job. It has turned out to be a good call, giving me an amazing 5 years of my life.
A good 90% of what I do earn from this job, is allocated to my charity projects. I'll have to sit down with my accountant to divert some porfolios to supplement sustained expenditure to committed projects without making too big a dent to the pocket. The man patted my head and told me not to worry over things like that. I should focus on doing all the other things in life that I've always wanted to devote more time to. I remember how he quit being a lawyer and took 2 years off work to devote his time to making music, and that made him so happy.
The man reminded me that happiness and a sense of self-worth aren't defined by a job, career achievements or pandering to social norms. It's been 5 years working in the same organization, an eternity by any standard. There's everything right about leaving. He has firmly emphasized that he doesn't believe that a woman's ultimate role is to breed babies and be a mother. To him, having an offspring doesn't even feature on his to-do list. He wants us to fulfil our larger roles within the society. If I'd like to bum, that is fine by him. He knows very well that I wouldn't be able to sit still and do nothing productive for more than 2 months! :p
I don't know what I want to do come January 2011. I don't have a new job lined up nor am I looking for one. I don't have any concrete new projects to take on because the current ones are humming along fine. I don't have a strong urge to pack up and hit a new city in the uni semester to begin a postgraduate degree. (London during last December cured that!) I don't need to run away to visit the friends immediately. I don't have a focus or a theme for this new chapter. But I'm not clueless. It's more a matter of having too many options till I just want to chill at home and hibernate for a couple of months. And really, where's my sense of adventure? It shouldn't be lost as I get older. Always, things have a way of working themselves out. On this rare evening when I could catch a rare spectacular sunset at home, I shall take this huge happy rainbow as a positive sign for come what may.
16 comments:
your dude of a husband is so right about everything re your position and options:)
and you are so right about all the different paths you can take as opposed to having no road to travel.
everything will be so alright when this when you see this phase through.
you will continue to be blessed whichever path you choose. your heart is in the right place. :)
Just as "happiness and a sense of self-worth aren't defined by a job, career achievements or pandering to social norms", our sense of adventure is also not solely defined by us bumming around in band tees, jeans and flip-flops. Getting off the "normal path" is already an adventure.
There are still a few months before Jan 2011, and you already all the options lined up. There might be more. Just chill your brain and embrace whatever that comes along.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Just let it come to you, don't rush. I'm sure something bright(er) is bound to come your way, if you have not already made it happen by then. And most importantly, you do what makes you happy and fulfilled as an individual.
just remove this hardworking streak will you? so not used to this! get back that casual vibe and you're good to chill for the year! you better come visit me FIRST!
Glad to read this post. It's good that you know what you don't want to do. Now you just need to take your time to find out what you want to do :)
Take a break, chill and I'm sure you will be ready for whatever you finally embark on in Jan 2011! :)
I love this post, babe. :)
Great post. Believe it or not, i can relate to some of wat you said. BTW, have u seen this article? Damn, its so true.
http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/
sinlady: he's sometimes unbearably smart. :p I will have faith and take the leap.
tuti: thanks dearie.
kikare + jomel: I feel like i'm walking with my left foot on the side trail and the right foot on the marked path now. it'd be fun to get off and explore the side trails!
jazzgal: aiyah! let me do housekeeping first!
coboypb: i will!
dreamlaughlive: i certainly hope so!
yuling: :D chat more with ya soon!
cavalock: definitely. we're the cool 32 year olds. :p and yes, i've read that! what you said on your blog post reasonates too, except you know how this topic gets my goat and i didn't comment on your post in case i get carried away with angsty sentences! heh.
Bumming and loving it - it's nice to take some time out and do nothing. Though I have to say, you find that 'nothing' fills up quickly somehow too.
I look forward to your blog posts come Jan 2011 :)
it's great to have a supportive husband who knows your style and gives you the support and space to do whatever you deem right for yourself.
love that the both of you are very enthusiastic about playing larger roles in the society!
can't wait to hear all about what you will be up to come next year.
dawn: somehow, i think you're going to be absolutely right on that score.
corsage: welcome back to the blogosphere. i look forward to your posts NOW!
candice: yes! i think the partner's support is always so important. that makes me feel alot better somewhat.
Good luck imp! Ur man sure sounds really lovely for supporting you through all of this!!! lucky!!
and it's true, i don't believe in being tied down by a job, it sure as hell doesn't define what or who you are.
life is short yeah?
wigglybits: only if we get the dream jobs or something we love, then it's worth it all. coz at the end of the day, many jobs are means to an end.
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