Of Edgar Allan Poe

Never mind how disappointing the remake of the 1963 'The Raven' is (1 star on Rotten Tomatoes!?!), but it's Edgar Allan Poe's genius, sense of macabre and dark romanticism in his writing that I like. There's a Gothic humor in his short stories that's most endearing. Don't you just love the idea of a heart that belonged to a murdered man that is still beating beneath the floorboards? You almost wish it's for real, instead of being a hallucination.

The illustrations and paintings inspired by Poe's short stories are magically surreal, full of terrifying menace and mystique. His works have inspired a large number of film adaptations. Who can forget 'The Crow' and the tragic demise of Brandon Lee? Even the ultra B-grade 'Saw V' referenced The Pit and the Pendulum. When I finally visit Maryland, my first stop (after the friends' houses) will be 203 North Amity Street.

To that end, and in loving memory of Poe's poem (not the movie) The Raven, the few of us dug up parodies that have been floating around, sat down for a reading session over a long noisy dinner, tried our hand at writing one, and had a good laugh. There's a particular parody of we like. It has been passed around. Am still passing it on because it's one of the most epic parody ever. It's found on Amazon- a 'customer's review' of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.). (Read the full poem here.)

An excerpt of the review on Amazon by Edgar, of course.

Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'  

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.