Remembering His Father

I don't quite take to Augusten Burroughs' 'A Wolf At The Table: A Memoir of My Father'. It's not my sort of book. Other than that, it has spurred me to read his earlier 'Running With Scissors' for a coherent comparison of his writing and preferred subject matter. (Read reviews here, here and here.)

It's not as campy or witty as the first book. The style of writing has changed, to something darker. The subject matter is sombre. 'Memoir' is the right word. Who's to say all the blame lay with his father who was a drunkard during a rough period of marriage with his mother before they divorced? Every family has a story that's incomprehensible to outsiders, and it's only fascinating to be put down as a case study to medical professionals.

I must remember that this book is written from his eyes as a child, and memories as an adult. No matter how, this story belongs to Augusten Burroughs, and I'm in no position to judge him. Although I lean towards telling him, "Live life for yourself and stop letting your father affect you this much." Who's to say we've to reconcile with parents later in life? It all depends. Not all parents love their children, and not all children love their parents. This belief of unconditional love, is over-hyped. It's ultimately our choice and what we can live with. That's what I believe in. Not everyone lives in a rose-scented world of warm bubble baths.

A number of times I remind myself of my father: as I wince when I lean forward over the baggage claim carousel to pick up my bag; in the morning when I climb out of bed and feel like I've been in a car accident. My father has been dead two years. I expected to feel a wave of grief hit me after he was gone, but it never came.

Well, the author felt grief, finally, on an unexpected day in a not unsurprising scenario, in the ending pages of the book. But his emotions weren't exactly for the man who died, but pain for the time the dead man could have had with him, instead of playing games of violence and oddity. Well, I can't say I empathize. I don't think it's necessary for emotions at this stage. Letting go and not living in the past is just as important as coming to terms with a relationship and how it doesn't live up to societal norms, and most of all, personal expectations. Spending my whole life chasing after a wished-for relationship and realizing it never will be only when one party is dead, isn't my idea of living a life without regrets.