Couldn't stop laughing when I read 'Girl, You're a Middle-Aged Woman Now' in The New Yorker, published on August 21, 2019, written by Wendi Aarons and KJ Dell'Antonia. The article has
The nine titles dreamed up and the plots are rather hilarious. The writers re-interpreted some of those films we've watched. Well, I guess some titles will be familiar to many late-30-somethings and 40-somethings, and even 50-somethings. I never actually watched some the films because they're not up my alley, but reading the 'twist' on them now is quite funny.
“The Middle-Aged Woman on the Train”
Commuter Rachel Watson catches daily glimpses of a seemingly perfect couple from her train window. After the conductor ignores her complaints about being subjected to a daily millennial lovefest, she makes a sign that says “it won’t last, assholes,” and holds it up every time she passes the lovebirds. The couple breaks up.
“The Middle-Aged Woman with the Dragon Tattoo”
A Swedish screenwriter, claiming to be investigating the case of a missing woman, seeks help from a fifty-year-old computer hacker, Lisbeth Salander. Listening to his pitch, Lisbeth yawns, the wasp tattoo on her neck flexing loosely. “What, another male writer sensationalizing violent crimes against women?” she says. “Do you already have a movie deal, or is it Netflix?” She presses a button that she installed under her desk after the last six dudes showed up, and a trap door opens under the screenwriter’s feet, dropping him into a pit of vipers.
Middle-aged? Yeah, that would be me. I don't bother with defining it by turning 50. I can start now. There's nothing to be frightened of about turning 50. Beyond a heavier feeling of mortality, and hoping that your body (health) doesn't let you down, life goes on, aye.
There will be death, there will be disappointments and there will be heartaches. This is how we'll live. We'll go through each season of life as best as we can. Faith, love and hope can be drawn from friends and loved ones. Should those not exist or crumble, may God help us, and may we seek comfort in His words. We have to find strength within ourselves to make good of being alive.
“Gossip Middle-Aged Woman”
The privileged premenopausal women of Manhattan’s Upper East Side learn that Serena van der Woodsen is back in town the way they learn all the important news in their lives: from Gossip Bitch’s anonymous posts on the Nextdoor app. No one knows Gossip Bitch’s identity, but everyone in this exclusive circle relies on her updates about the neighborhood’s noise and trash issues—and, now, for speculation about the cause of Serena’s long absence. Could it be rehab? A little more swelling than expected post-surgery? Or is she hiding the body of the latest millennial who called her “ma’am”?
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