My head hurt just reading the first few paragraphs of Elizabeth Chang's 'The sandwich generation is changing. The stress remains.' published in The Washington Post on March 22, 2023. This is a reality all of us are living in. And for some of us, living such a life daily is a torture. For the optimistic ones, life isn't easy either.
For anyone caring for a dependent, we only know it too well. In a household of elderly parents, disabled siblings, pets and children, special needs children, et cetera. We're thankful if a week goes by without incident. No, make that three consecutive quiet days. That is a luxury for caregivers.
Julia Beck, founder of the It’s Working Project, an organization that focuses on caregivers in the workplace, said “sandwich” is an inadequate term. “I think of it as a panini,” said Beck, a Chevy Chase, Md., resident who has four children ages 20 to 31, and an aging mother in Philadelphia. “It’s so messy, the choices are messy, like there’s no good, right, obvious choice.”
The demands never stop, just like a panini keeps oozing out the side, Beck added. Even if there isn’t an immediate crisis with your elderly parents, “there’s crisis a-go-go,” she said. “You dial the number, and it’s sort of like, ‘What’s today’s ailment going to be?’” And “you’ve got all these other people who are not babies, but certainly not independent in the way that maybe we defined it in our younger lives.”
For Sebrina Perialas, who cares for a mother with dementia, watches her 9-year-old grandson several days a week and supports one daughter in graduate school and another with medical issues, it’s more like a seven-layer dip. Or, said the 63-year-old special ed teacher from Pulaski, Tenn., it’s like whack-a-mole: “Which thing is going to pop up that day?”
This is social trend that isn't unique to America. It's extremely apt for us. While our government tries to encourage a higher TFR, they mustn't be deluded or hopeful enough to neglect boosting eldercare facilities and support schemes. As it is, private medical insurance coverage is virtually non-existent for the senior folk above 70 years old. At least there's the government disability schemes of ElderShield (for those born before 1980) and CareShield Life (for those born between 1980 and 1990), and of course MediSave and MediShield.
I don't even need to talk much about this because WE are the sandwiched generation. It's probably the issue of every generation of 30-50-somethings. We are living it. We think, how do we arrange our own care so as not to be be a burden to our children? It's not about having sufficient retirement funds or ensuring that we have enough for medical care anymore. It's about a city's infrastructure and how friendly it is to her ageing population.
I'm thankful that I made a choice not to procreate. Every other day, I'm reminded of how right this choice is for me. I'm terrified of and for those people who actually still believe in depending on their kids to provide for everything in the future. They literally have barely any type of savings, thinking that they spend everything to raise their children, and their children will care for them and settle them financially. Then I hope that the emotional foundation built is strong enough to weather all the upheavals in the future. If you have had the privilege of education and a middle-class income, then the age of quid pro quo should be over, no? The label of 'filial piety' is like this giant lock that screws you over again and again and again, until somebody dies.
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