Reminders of Mortality

I turned up at the old folks' homes and the hospice as usual this week. I'm still not fatigued from volunteering with the team and doing what I do best. I've always preferred to devote charity efforts to old folks in need and those on palliative care. It has been three decades and I'll do it for as long as I can. It isn't emotionally taxing for me, and I've long learnt to draw boundaries.

Hitting 50 years old soon meant that I'm seeing my friends succumbing to illnesses. Over the past few months, attending a few funerals and learning news of friends being diagnosed with cancer and such is sobering. It keeps in full view, our own mortality and vulnerabilities.  

Their choices of treatment, or not, is fully dependent on their illnesses's prognosis, current life's circumstances, as well as discussions with their family. Some people are great patients and some aren't. Some people choose to deal with their diagnosis calmly and matter-of-factly. Many place their trust and lives in their respective religious faiths. Some got berserk and totally emotional. Nothing is wrong or bad. It's your choice of reaction. Your entire outlook and philosophy about life might likely change as a result of your own diagnosis. 

Everything about how you choose to view being stricken with cancer or other autoimmune diseases, cholesterol, heart and kidney issues, is entirely on yourself. You decide whether you choose happiness or optimism, or choose to spiral, and remain at rock bottom, or push the blame on something else. Asking 'why me' doesn't help. None of us are so special. If we have the privilege of health, then please use that to serve your community. 

I can't judge you or tell you what to choose. I'm the worst at that. If I'm a close enough friend and you choose to ask, I can only tell you a logical course of action. Otherwise, I treat you as per how I always do, but I will support extra and spur you on in terms of dietary choices or whether you feel like going out. No one person can be a sole caregiver and not get burnt out. Aside from your medical team, you will need to roster a team of friends and contacts to look after your daily and emotional needs. I tend to treat you exactly how I treat my old folks — with civility and respect for your choices, whether you're throwing a tantrum or not. BUT being sick doesn't give you the right to be cruel or mean.

Over the decades, I've learnt to compartmentalize my emotions towards human illnesses and death, and tragic as they maybe, they don't hit me as hard. Or rather I have seen so much physical pain (from illnesses) and emotional angst and dead bodies that I've grown a tougher shell against it. I honestly think I can even deal with any potential illnesses for the husband and myself. We get our administrative affairs in order, and will deal with the unpredictables when they arise.

It's probably Choya falling ill that I can't bear.