Who Needs To Be A Perfect Woman?

I have no idea what I picked up. I simply decided to do a random read of a Chinese book in a genre that I don't fancy, and hope it isn't crap. The author Xiao Han (小寒) is a Mandopop lyricist and a qualified biologist specializing in lung cancer research. Then she gave up science, and became a full-time songwriter, letting her first love of writing lyrics take over. 

汇集了自身与身边人的经历和心得，新加坡著名写词人兼作家小寒的《幸好我不是满分女生》(2017). Xiao Han wrote this book about her experiences and of women around her, titling it as loosely translated into 'Luckily I Am Not a Perfect Woman' (2017). She also made some doodles and illustrations within. Each chapter begins with an illustration of its points and ends with a song with lyrics written by the author. 

The chapters in this book retold these women's feelings and emotions of how lucky they are that they aren't perceived to be the 'perfect woman' by societal standards. It's not a biography. It's simply stories about women, as told by women. She touches on childhood, school, teachers, motherhood, children and work; all the insecurities, the search of an identity and being comfortable with her physical self and emotional needs. The author mostly wrote about what worked for her.

“不满分的幸福也是能满足的。”

I simply flipped through. It's clear that her life experiences aren't mine. She also lived a very regular, very sheltered life growing up in Singapore. Rote, as one might say. I'm not that interested in what she has to proclaim. There are better televisions shows and other memoirs that catch my interest. I read it to have a sense of her language and her experience growing up in Singapore and making her career choices and life's path.

You'd have to appreciate the author's writing and try to appreciate her opinions. The author is a stranger to me. So I read these chapters like I'm reading her blog. The author was 44 years old when she wrote this book. A fair few decades of enlightenment, I suppose. All right then, all taken with a pinch of salt and mostly, she's sending out positive vibes and encouraging women to just be themselves. At some point, it felt like she's dishing out advice and it becomes a self-help book.

The final Chapter 18 was titled 'Me: When You Find the Singular-[One]' / 笔记18 《我：当你 “找” 到 “一” 的时候》. The last chapter in the book probably summarized all her opinions of how to live one's life. 

Of course she acknowledged that what she wrote might not be everyone's cup of tea, but that's okay. Seek your tribe, define your own happiness and be at peace. I can't disagree with that. It's all a matter of when you discover this peace within yourself. You might be 24 or 44. It entirely depends on your own enlightenment/悟. 

笔记18里的《不得不信 ”鞋”》 小插曲提醒读者， 

人只有一双脚，而那一双因为想着明天要穿，从不被你收起，能够陪你走完一段重要旅程的鞋子，就是你一辈子最需要的鞋子。

对于物质生活，我们无需过度消费，对于人际关系，我们也无需过度消遣。

The book ended with Chapter 18's parting paragraphs reminding us that we don't need many or plenty to feel real contentment and a zest for life. We only need one of each, one of something, that one thing to feel happiness. It's similar how we encourage each other by telling ourselves and friends that we're all a 'work in progress'. In that sense, it's perfect that nobody's perfect.

当我们单纯视 “一” 为数字，而不是排名时，我们会快乐些。当我们单纯视 “一” 为原点，而不是起点时，我们会快乐些。

我们一生都在 “加” 和 “乘”、“减” 和 “除”。年轻时，我们都应该极力争取自己再好一点，生活再好一点。

但渐渐的，当我们终于领悟到自己拥有的已经满溢，不再想着增 “加” 时；当我们理解到原来 “乘” 虚而入是一件捡现成、占人便宜的事情；当我们厌倦当物质奴隶，活着萌生 “减” 重：减去生活重量的念头；当我们积极去 “除” 自己不需要的人事时，我们就自由了。

人，就只有自己一个，人生就只有一辈子，需要的人事物，真的 “一” 套就够了：一个与你相爱的人、一个你爱的家庭、一间安全的小组屋、一辆骑得动的小脚车、一份你热爱的职业、一个给你愉悦的兴趣、一碗汤一杯净水、一个初衷。

这时，你走在购物商场里，将一无所求；你走在街上，每一口新鲜氧气，美一朵盛开花朵都会令你微笑。

当你找到你想要的 “一” 时，你已幸福；要是你已找回你所需的 “一” 的时，你已经找回自 “我”，你已完整。