The girlfriend caught my grimace as her son threw a tantrum at the breakfast table. She soothed the toddler and turned towards me with a grin. "If you love your man, don't you want to have his children and weather it all as a family come what may?"
I rolled my eyes big time. Here we go again. I certainly don't have any objections to my girlfriends being mothers. I quite like playing with their kids. I'm glad that they've found bliss. But please don't try to persuade me to live life the way you're living yours.
For the record, I see loving a man and having his child as mutually exclusive. Being in a relationship and not being in a marriage does not equate unhappiness. Living together is just as exhausting and fulfilling as being in a marriage sharing the bed under the same roof. I'm fairly sure many people don't share my view. And I don't care. Just don't impose your views on me. I don't see why I should live my life according to your standards.
Would you then, like to burn me at the stake?
Now, that I actually have a choice of whether to embrace the concept of motherhood, I find myself not desiring this role. The more I see firsthand what is needed in being a mother, the more I understand that this is one role that I don't relish. I'm not about to do something just because it's the way things should be.
If I had obediently adhered to the way things should be, I'll not be who I am today. If I bow to the way things should be, I'll make alot of people happy, and myself bitterly unhappy. Having a child is one of those things that I will not compromise on unless I'm convinced that I truly want it. At the end of the day, I'm the one who has to care for the child and be stuck with him for the next 20 years at least. Shouldn't I have the biggest say whether I should be thinking of having a child?
It's not just about having a baby. It's about raising the baby that I cannot accept as one of my responsibilities. It's about the ripple effects of being a parent that I'm not prepared for as a facet of my relationship with the man, or anyone else.
We don't see a need to have a child to 'seal' our relationship. We actually believe that it's the one thing that might drive us apart. To me, having a child is on the same degree of importance and logic as trying to decide if I should own a pet. I like animals. I would love to have a dog or a cat. Or both. But I've considered it thoroughly. I won't. Simply because I can't give it my time and be fully responsible for it. I'm not about to get a pet that I can't commit to looking after 100%.
So girlfriend, let me finish grappling with the idea of the institution of marriage first.
10 comments:
Amen.
I can see where u r heading as well as ur friends. Each individual has his/her own view. At the end of it, I personally feel that it lies down to the couple themselves as it's their exclusive love life. So as long as they are happy and madly in love with one another, it overtakes every other things.
that's so familiar. I was once where you are now but look at where I am now, married with a kid!!! it's a scary thought that sometimes I can't believe it myself. if it doesn't feel right, it will never. and you are so spot on about a kid making or breaking a marriage. it does take double or even triple the efforts to keep the romance alive, considering how knackered we are at the end of each day.
You are right.. for thinking the way you are.. :) it's your life.. and you should live it the way you want to.. and comfortable with. No one should try and influence another. I had wanted to write a long story abut all the wrong reasons .. i got married the first time.. and ended up .. very sadly.. and wanted to share my current situation with PB (my brat's daddy).. but that will be for another time. Because I know .. you are all set.. :) and donch need anymore opinion.. or advice.. or justification for your actions.. :) You are you .. and you are good.. :)
if it's not your time, it's not your time. go at your own pace.
I fully agree!! No kid.
i very much agree with you. in fact i once said to my man that i think it takes more commitment to live together than married, because then you stay in the relationship out of love, not because you've made a promise or something. but then, he really wanted to be married, so i said, ok la :)
shites. my sentiments exactly.
"loving a man and having his child as mutually exclusive"
That, is right. Many a time, men think likewise. Loving you, and loving his child, is mutually exclusive as well. I never believe in having someone's child, just to "tie" him down.
It's silly.
sinlday: heh.
iceaster: of course.
dr: i guess love changed your mind! :) and it's about what you're happy with.
mamabok: tell me the story another day please!;
opal: will do that.
lingcat: wooots.
kikare: your man doesn't want to go away ever!! it makes him happy! i'm open to marriage, but not the shebang of wedding celebrations.
sherie: if got kid must be responsible mah. that's why i admire you so much. you made your choice well knowing how tough it's going to be and the going's great!
bluemoon: yah. that's like the most major decision of my life.
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