The man knows to never propose marriage to me. So he has never brought it up. He is well aware of my aversion for weddings and my views towards marriage. However, he does view marriage with a kind eye.
Our relationship has reached an equilibrium where it doesn't need marriage to justify its existence. I especially hate the phrase "take it to the next level" or "should settle down already". What the fuck? Ceremonies don't mean a thing to us. I do not conform just because society expects me to.
Why should I capitulate now?
I thought long and hard about it. There are many who would love to see us married. The legal or non-legal state of our relationship seems more important to them than us. The friends have argued persuasively and made valid points. If, it is indeed a formality on paper, then the action of getting married shouldn't have an impact on our relationship. Those bloody vows to be uttered on the wedding day are already the sort of commitment the man has promised me 2 years ago.
If I do this, I'd have to propose to the man. There will be terms and conditions, of course. If he agrees, then we have a deal. If not, things can continue humming nicely the way they have for the last couple of years.
So, we met each other at the negotiation table. I laid down terms and conditions- one of which involved no wedding gown, no bouquets and none of those traditional shebang. Importantly, that bloody piece of paper, while making others happy, I stress, doesn't make me happier in our relationship. It will be ultimately what it is- a formality to fulfil and not a circus to be displayed to the world.
He said yes. So we have a deal.
I'm very efficient. We might as well do this now. Otherwise, I'll lose my guts and back out. Importantly, we know many of our good friends will be in town this month. Peripheral things like picking a wedding venue, guestlist, menu, food, date, solemnizer (Justice of Peace), application to the Registry of Marriage have all been ironed out and confirmed in 4 days. Lovely, now I can get back to the business of drowning in the busiest weeks at work.
18 October 2009.
