Samantha's Diary

This Christmas, I can't help giggling each time I remember the short story titled 'Samantha's Diary', written by Diana Wynne Jones for the compilation of Stories by Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantonio.

In a nutshell, it's about a suitor courting Samantha during Christmas, in well, the old-fashioned way. It's not a tale of love. Not exactly. It's more than a laugh, of course. A satire. Read it to grin at hilarity of the situation/s.

"December 28, 2233

I SPENT A GLORIOUS morning at the Sales and came back with six bags of Wonderful Bargains, to find I have four parrots now. Plus one more partridge (and tree), two more pigeons and three more of those unspeakable hens. Housebot has ignored my attempt at programming as if I'd never tried. The patio is now a small forest full of droppings. The pigeons sit on the trees and the hens rush about below. Indoors are four scuttling partridges and four of those large rings on sticks where parrots are supposed to perch, not that they do. The red one has taken a liking to my bedroom. The green one flies about all the time, shouting swear words, and the multicoloured two perch anywhere so long as it isn't their official perches. I have put those in the closet because Housebot stops whenever it runs into one. I have ordered a twenty-kilo sack of Avian Feed (parrots), which is actually different from the others, and which the parrots mostly consume from saucers on the kitchen table. I walk about giving a mad laugh from time to time. I am inured. I am resigned. "

The story ends on January 3, 2234 with Samantha's apartment filled with swans, trampolines, a herd of cows and a fifth parcel of rings. It's rather entertaining.