Time Flies

Waited for the man to be done with the work week, and we went out to visit Aunt E, have lunch and sit with her for the day. Grand-Aunt, really. Rather distant relation, but in reality, we like her a lot better than many of the immediate relatives, and see her more often, ironically. To me, the definition of 'family' doesn't mean anything. I need to like you, to have a relationship with you before I'd even consider fulfilling any sort of obligations, however perfunctory. I don't pay lip service. I simply outright won't do them. In that sense, the bffs are more family than family is.

As much as I dislike Chinatown, we trundled down to Gerrard Street to tapau food from those eateries because she likes the thinly sliced char siew, bok choi and roast duck. She can't go to town as often now. In fact, I don't think she ventures out very much. The car's gone. She can no longer drive. Though more or less healthy without debilitating illness, she's got terrible arthritis, and the usual physical weaknesses associated with old age. She's heartbreakingly frail now. She couldn't wield the knife and fork with such dexterity anymore. We had to remove the meat from the bone, and slice up the roast duck into tinier pieces for her, along with the rest of the food items. Glad that she still had an appetite to finish the portions on her plate.

She had taken the trouble to bring out the silver, crystalware, set the table for lunch, and the drawing room for tea, wine and cheese, and all. We sternly told her not to bake or cook anything. Not even to prep salads, cut fruits or whatever. We would take care of that, and clean up. The whole point was to visit her, not to cause inconvenience or disrupt her daily routines, or have her exert greater strength and effort than usual.

Gave her a tight hug when we left. We hope this goodbye isn't permanent. With each winter, she shrinks even more. Her living arrangements must change, and quickly. It's dangerous for her to continue living alone. I work so much with old folks that unconsciously, within minutes I made a list of elderly-unfriendly fixtures in her house, and could probably put in recommendations for proposed changes into a 5-page 'report' in half a day. Haizzzz. I noticed those issues years ago, but this visit, it seemed more urgent to rectify them. It's encouraging though, that Aunt E is fully capable of checking herself into a good nursing home with efficient facilities.

Unfortunately, it's not our generation's place to put things right, even a little. Not when Aunt E has got grown children who are still in regular contact with her, it would be their opinions to put forth. However, I don't believe that the elderly have to stay with their children, and the children have to take them in. It causes unnecessary friction and stress. You don't procreate in the hope and expectation that your offspring will take care of you in old age. That's selfish. And it's highly ironical when you accuse children of being selfish. Look, they didn't ask to be born. You made a decision to have them. So please ensure your own independence in old age. For people of our generation, there isn't any excuse. I don't subscribe to this notion at all. In the scheme of family politics, our place is to visit and make Aunt E smile, and make her feel that we still care. That's all we can do. Which is why we always make time for her when we come up to London. At least two full days, if she'll have us.