Juices from Gorilla Press

Months of having strange indigestion-thingies is really irritating. Cancer markers and gastrointestinal scans and scopes came up clear. No kidney stones. Nothing odd with the gall bladder and duct either. The doctors rolled their eyes and sent me away with probiotics. I was like, ugh thanks, indigestion it still is then. Pfffft.

The daily food consumption is kept healthy and low in meat intake. There's definitely no overeating. But recently, oily things sent me straight to the toilet. I thought it was the stomach not liking spicy food or just food poisoning, but it was neither. I was perfectly fine in Yunnan. Of all places, I would get the runs in China riiiight? Nope, no runs, not even a queasy stomach. A plate of once-in-six-months char kway teow at the old uncle's stall at Tiong Bahru food center sent me straight to poo-poo-hell. No idea what's going on with the digestive system.

While I'm not an advocate for the increased sugar levels that go with juice cleanse/detox diets, I wasn't closed to the idea. On days of bad indigestion, I wouldn't even eat anything except an egg or a piece of bread. Might as well try the juices. Found two days for a liquid diet to see if that would calm the stomach or re-set the digestive system. Decided on Gorilla Press because I like the taste of the ratio of blends offered. It has such limited online presence- an Instagram account, an email and a phone number. Had to chase them down.

That said, I'm not jumping into this bandwagon because it's hip or whatever. My diet predominantly IS like that. Except the daily intake is usually crunchy and chew-able. So when I gave it a whirl, I was like... eh, same same ingredients pressed into liquids. It's not as as I can't chew and swallow solids! To me, it's really of no difference. I don't take much processed food, refined sugars or carbs. While I can always use some conditioning for overall fitness and cardio, I'm quite toned from daily swims and sessions of pilates, thankyou. I don't need to lose weight or 'eat healthier' so to speak.

Day One | Began with a rather palatable pear, lemon and cayenne pepper concoction
that necessitated a trip to the bathroom within 30 minutes.

Gorilla Press' 'Omakase Juice Cleanse'- two days. 14 bottles of juice and nutmilk. S$190. Two complimentary bottles of coconut water. Nutmilk, fruit juices, vegetables, kale, lemon, nuts, chia seeds, goji berries, cayenne pepper, avocado, black sesame, etc. Giggled. Exactly the usual ingredients stocked in the fridge. Except, I didn't have to go out to get extra ingredients to juice it myself or wash up. Totally worth it.

Six bottles a day; a bottle every two hours or so. One must not let up with the coconut water and plain water. Take more. It's A LOT of liquids sloshing around. Each bottle holds slightly less than a pint of beer. Certainly no alcohol allowed and NO COFFEE. I almost wilted at that. BUT, I didn't have caffeine cravings, no hunger pangs except loads of gas and bloating, burping and uhh...farting, fatigue or headaches. I went about my day as per normal, starting at 8am to include a swim and clearing a crazy amount of emails. However, I was very sleepy by 10pm on both nights. Sleep was deep. Then again, I usually sleep very well.

Day Two | Smelt sambal belachan being pounded in the kitchen and I couldn't have any.

Would I do this again? Perhaps.

My liver and kidneys are working fine to detox the body. Juices don't do that. Sure, eating clean and going lighter can't be harmful, but in moderation. Juices are by no means meal replacements. I suppose it can replace a meal or two, but not for days on end. Essential amino acids, fats, proteins and electrolytes are still missing. I wouldn't do this for more than two days at a go more than once every two months. I like food too much to live through three days without chewing on a salty begedil with sambal tumis.

With the stupid haze, there's no harm in hydrating. Didn't cheat. Snacked on cucumbers, which is permitted. I felt fine after. It wasn't my imagination—the stomach definitely calmed down. Wouldn't load it with a medium-rare prime Cornish beef skirt or roasted Cornish hen, but I'm looking forward to some pies or pasties. Perhaps a lovely salmon or mushroom, and if I'm up for it, a hearty beef and Guinness pie.

And, this is really important- ensure that there's a readily accessible toilet at all times. :P