It took the flights to and fro Bangkok for me to finish Banana Yoshimoto's 'Dead-end Memories' (first published in Japanese in 2003) / 吉本ばなな『デッドエンドの思い出』because I couldn't concentrate on reading. Otherwise I would have cleared this in an hour.
Translated into English by Asa Yoneda in 2022, the translator kept the author's economical touch when it comes to language. It made this read rather pleasant. I was just distracted — I was happily utilizing the complimentary in-flight wifi to check on Choya via the pet-cam, and texting the sitters and O. Hurhurhur.
The five stories in this book see five different women each dealing with a challenging event in their lives, and how kindness from others led them to a more cheerful path, something that ultimately makes them happy, rather than wallow in sadness or uncertainty. (Reviews here, here, here and here.)
'House of Ghosts'
The book opens with 'House of Ghosts', and well, the narrator Secchan encounters the benign ghosts of the previous occupants of her college friend's Iwakura's apartment. He lives in a dilapidated building slated for demotion. The ghosts are an elderly couple who died of carbon monoxide poisoning. The elderly couple used to visit Secchan's family restaurant. Secchan loved cooking and wanted to carry on the meaning of her family business. Iwakura's family runs a bakery that specializes in cake rolls.
She finally saw the ghosts after spending a sensual night with Iwakura. She thought that they live in ghost time and couldn't see her, and seem happy pottering about. Iwakura is due to fly out to Paris to learn cooking, and she visited him one last time, along with sticks of incense and a single white chrysanthemum as offerings for the elderly couple. They also made omurice and pork curry for them as an offering.
This is a very long story. The young lovers took a break as each chased their respective dreams and futures. The apartment was torn down, and in its place, a new one rose. Eight years later, Secchan and Iwakura are married. It's a beautiful love story of a relationship that is set to endure the decades.
I might never get another chance to cook a meal as powerful as that one, but even now, when I got tired and my arms felt heavy, or I started to overseason my dishes, I could think back to the intention I'd poured into it — the old couple's final supper on earth, and my last send-off for Iwakura—and remind myself what it was all for.
Being a cook meant any meal I made could end up being someone's last.
'Mama!'
We follow the tale of publishing company executive Matsuoka who was poisoned by a colleague via her lunch of curry at the staff cafeteria. She was poisoned by Mr Yamazoe who had a history of stalking his female colleagues. Yu, her boyfriend spent a lot more time getting to know her as she recuperates. They're living together as a trial before marriage. Matsuoka carries a lot of baggage about starting a family of her own. Her dad died when she was four; her mom abused her (found out by the school and authorities), and she was brought up by her grandparents.
The recovery process is slow. She was on the news as the 'poisoning victim'. She has PTSD from it, and can't deal with questions about the incident from strangers, colleagues or the police anymore. 'Mama!' indeed caused her this much repressed pain. She lashed out at her clients and her boyfriend Yu. She isn't fully comfortable at the office anymore. She took a much-needed time-out for a month — got married with Yu, went for a honeymoon in Hawaii, dealt with all old hurt caused by her mother and new pains, and got better.
Either way, I'd never been the kind of person to dwell too much on the past, and didn't have a habit of thinking too much about the future, either. So I had no idea that there was a sad and murky swamp biding its time inside me, which an unexpected trigger could bring even in a small way to the surface.
'Not Warm At All'
This is a lovely but sad tale of a childhood friendship that was abruptly ended. The narrator, a writer studied in Paris and returned to her hometown where she runs workshops and teaches evening classes on French literature. Her family runs a bookstore. She took us through her life and her memories, and of a childhood friend Makoto who was killed in a murder-suicide by his biological mother, who also stabbed his father. She never forgot this friend and remembers him fondly.
The title 'Not Warm At All' is a discussion between the narrator and Makoto about lights being turned on in homes, and if those lights actually emanate from the humans instead, since lights in a home make one feel warm and welcoming.
But I've still never made a friend as good as Makoto, and while I sometimes date, I've never felt as strongly for a man as I did when I told him we should get married.
I often wonder whether those that are too pure are destined to live fleeting lives, like cats that are beautiful and white as snow, or birds with gossamer features.
'Tomo-chan's Happiness'
The tale seems to remind us that God doesn't help her when she needs help most, but rather she found a reserve of help within spirits and nature, and something within herself. It tells us of Tomo-chan's life growing up. She saw how her father betrayed her mother with his young secretary, had a baby with her, and hated the boy who sexually violated her at sixteen. She isn't going to fall in love easily, and neither does she harbor high hopes of finding a man "with a warm heart".
Then she fell in love with Misawa-san, a man who works in another company in the same building, and also lunches at the staff cafeteria. She has noticed him long ago, but he had a girlfriend then. It took some time before the timing was right and they finally met properly when he is single again. She doesn't know if this trip to Hokkaido with Misawa-san will work out. So, 'Tomo-chan's Happiness' — she doesn't know if they'll be happy forever, but the tale says that she's willing to try, and she'll find strength to face it.
Okaaay. I was a bit bored with this one. What on earth is it trying to say? She isn't my friend, so I don't feel much about her circumstances and what's going on in her life. I'd feel very differently if Tomo-chan is a friend.
'Dead-end Memories'
The final story in the collection is also its titular story. It's a tad weak in its storyline. It tells the tale of a young woman Mimi Yokoyama who tries to sweep things under the carpet until she finally discovers that her fiancé Takanashi has been cheating on her for a year. They've been dating since college days, so she lets it be when he doesn't visit her anymore. They live cities only an hour apart by train. The fiancé doesn't invite her to his new apartment and when she visits, she realizes that he has a new fiancee. Takanashi also owes her a million yen that she doesn't know how to get back.
She found a confidante in young bartender Nishiyama who works at her uncle's bar. Nishiyama helps her to get it back in the form of a car. I was a tad pissed with Mimi. Why doesn't she stand up for herself? On her own? Instead, she has to seek help in the form of...... another man. But they didn't exactly have a romantic relationship. They felt more like comrades in this life, each offering friendships to the other lonely soul. Her memories ain't that dead-end after all.
It struck me that family, work, friendships, engagements — all of these were like spiderwebs placed to protect people from the more distressing colors that lurked within themselves. The more safety nets you had under you, the less far you had to fall, and if you were lucky you might live your entire life without even noticing what was below.
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