Fifteenth

The husband and I marked our 15th wedding anniversary today. We didn't plan for any 'celebration' except to simply spend the day with the dog, and each other. We're at the age of which we appreciate mundane and uneventful days. We don't need any sort of drama, medical or otherwise. 

It really doesn't feel like it has been 15 years. Time truly flies when a partnership is strong and keeps its fundamentals. Now, it's not a matter of 'forever'. It's time to ask ourselves, can I do life alone without the husband? And he asks the same of himself — can he do life without me? 

Sure we can. We must. It might be less fun, a tad lonely, but we must be at the emotional maturity that we can continue without each other. We mustn't feel like the whole world is crushed if one of us dies. That's the reality we must sort out, administratively and emotionally. We never felt joined at the hips that way, but it's just when years go by and you do everything and many things with your spouse, you tend to feel a sort of dependency that creeps in. And that isn't a feeling I welcome. I only need the husband to sort out his will and finances and all so that we keep our current lifestyle as we age. (Obviously I have sorted out mine.) I do not like cleaning up other people's administrative messes. LOL 

I'd have preferred it if I could clock in a night of solid sleep. But with the Northeast Monsoon back and the rains in the nights, it wasn't meant to be. The thunder that comes at this time rattles the windows and rolls every 20 minutes. When I'm up but still sleepy and will nod off, that roll of the thunder every 20 min or every 30 minutes ensure that the dog wakes me at 3am and I don't get any respite until 6.15am. I can barely function through the day. Regardless, this is the life we signed up for when we took Choya into the home.

So the first thing I needed on this day, is coffee, then hashbrowns. Comfort food. I kept awake enough to pop in to Gyrotonic, then had to succumb to an afternoon nap. On days I lack sleep, it's impossible to do any sort of squats or weights. I'd likely injure myself because I don't have the energy to lift heavy at all or even find the stamina to do a HIIT class. 

I don't need a significant price tag attached to an 'anniversary gift', and I certainly don't need flowers. No flourishes needed at all. Why should this day be so special outwardly. We can make every day special if we want to. And we do that throughout the year. Something. It doesn't have to be done on the day of the wedding anniversary. 

Every day that the husband stays healthy, is already a gift to ME. We're still in love with each other, and we make the commitment count, every day. I don't have expectations of what he 'must do' for me. (But FFS, just put the dirty laundry in one spot and not all over the place. That. Anyway. Haha.) I need his acceptance of ME, of who I am as I age and character traits shift. I need simplicity, and seek easy vibes; I do not wish for complications in my life.