The husband mentioned that he was reading 'Your Dog Is Your Mirror' (2011) by Kevin Behan, and shared a few takeaways. Wahhh. Good man, he is doing loads of reading in order to understand his dog, and her future behavior.
The author (1952-2020) was a veteran police dog trainer, and founder of Natural Dog Trainer. He passed away in February 2020 at home after a long bout of illness, in Newfane, Vermont, USA.
I decided to borrow it too. I was happy to secure a 'skip-the-line' copy on Libby. I took my time to read the author's words and completely understand what he is saying. The premise of this book is that our dog's behaviour and cognition is driven by us, and our emotions. The dog responds to our emotions more than words. Kevin Behan emphasized on this right from the start.
This book is different from other examinations of the canine/human connection because it concentrates on what dog and human share in common rather than what makes us different.
I really didn't mind reading this carefully because after all the theories and practical applications about dog training and daily routines and schedules and essential stuff like that, I want to know more about how dogs feel. It's at best, guesswork because they can't talk. I need to learn their language. And I'll be damned if I ever pay money for an 'AC' (animal communicator) of which I think it's balderdash.
In this book, the author examines his ideas through three themes of: 1) We don't know what we're feeling. 2) The behaviour of dogs can teach us about emotion and feelings. 3) the real reason for the dog in our life is emotion. I love it that the preface of the book frames it already. The preface is titled, [It's Not about the Dog].
Now the standard, mainstream interpretation of what's going on between Linda and Rosy is that Linda isn't treating her dog like a dog; she's treating her like a baby, trying not to compensate through Rosy for some unfulfilled emotional need in herself. Therefore Linda is missing the instinctual boat and not giving Rosy what dogs supposedly need and want from their owner, that is, alphahood leadership, direction, consistency, positive motivation, and the rest of the canine catechism. But I don't see dogs through that prism because such analysis is meaningful only on a superficial level. The truth is that a dog's behavior is always viscerally appealing to an owner, no matter what that behaviour is, because the subconscious component of the human mind (of which we are wholly unaware) is an animal consciousness, the same consciousness that informs a dog. This is the same consciousness that has no idea of time or of the consequences to any action, and it cannot entertain any other point of view beyond the immediate moment the animal is in. Our emotional mind is an animal mind, and it has no idea that if it sinks teeth into a child's soft flesh that this will hurt the child. It's like a child yelling, "I wish you were you were," without comprehending what the words really mean. Therefore, what's fundamental in the emotional dynamic between a dog and owner isn't the human reading a human in the animal but the animal reading the animal in the human.
The author uses many 'real-life' stories of owners and dogs to illustrate his points, including his own. He tries to break it down simpler for the layman dog owner to understand what he's saying. I appreciate that.
I've always maintained that a person's traits and character correspond to the dogs they eventually choose. If there isn't compatibility, then this is going to be a difficult bond to build. It's not so much of a breed-specific traits versus me, but more of breed + the dog's individual characteristics that will define its relationship with me.
To that, I would say that Choya is indeed my mirror. I have no idea how and why (or rather I'm not drilling down into it), but if you're someone who sees me regularly and you know Choya, you'd likely agree too. Hehehe. Choya carries her breed's true traits. She's gentler than I am in many aspects, but she's equally hard, obstinate and fierce.
Theoretically, all we have to do to heal our dog is simply become aware of how our dog's behavior reflects something in ourselves, and our dog will lose that charge because it's been fully manifested into physical expression, since we're its rightful owner, the original source. I've been able to shift things in my dog twice by doing this, and I've seen it occasionally in my clients. But because the healing salve is trust, and because trust is a muscle, for most of us and for most things, we're going to have to exercise our trust muscle over the long term in order to build it up.
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You don't have to run around explaining yourself or your dog to others or trying to undo or forgo your personality. Meanwhile, the clearer and stronger your heart gets, the more your thoughts will align with what you feel, and your actions will then flow from your heart. Follow your dog: he knows your heart, he feels your heart, he knows the way back to your heart.
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