How Is it October Already?

Each time Choya's birthday comes around, there's happiness, and there's this acute recognition that we're nearer to the time that it might be the last one. I don't want to think about it but I have to. 

Three more months to Christmas and then it's a new year. It also reminds me that we're in the final quarter of the year, and what have I done so far? I'm not exhausted; I don't feel defeated, but I am tired. 

2026 has been a torture for many, painful for loads, and it's been tough for many friends on many fronts. Many of us aren't sanguine about 2027. Adulting is really hard. At this age, if we're not ill, dead, bankrupt, being sued because we've been less than ethical or not quite morally upright, living on borrowed credit, in debt or in jail, life is good.

I realized that being able to get into a gym routine to build muscles itself is a privilege. It's got nothing to do with laziness or determination. It's the simple fact that I'm able to do that — the privilege of insistently allocating time to do this, and being physically hale and hardy enough. 

I'm not sure if I'm showing up enough for the friends. I'm here, but I'm not fully present. It's not about keeping a respectful distance of another's privacy. It's more of... ... I don't want to wade into an emotional whirlpool when it's really, none of my business. I don't need to step in to offer advice to rather grown adults as how to live theirs. I have my own skirmishes to sort out, but I'm not feeling drained. It's nothing unexpected. I'm fairly sanguine. I'm taking it as it is, come what may. 

It's not about how much I actually do for friends. I certainly don't expect friends to do anything for me. (They do loads though. I'm grateful.) If I ask, I'm dead sure it's something they can do. We know what we should ask of friends, and we know what we shouldn't. We're now more inclined to do meaningful things together. Sure, we can have a meal together, as usual; drinks, less so nowadays. When our schedules are so packed, we meet with intent. More often than not, I'm seeing friends at work and charity events, at the gym and such. 

Sometimes, I wonder how I have this sense of premonition. Obviously I'm not a psychic. But I'll get a niggly sense that something's not quite right somewhere. This niggling sense has placed me in good stead many times. I'd do well to listen to it. 

There's always coffee. Have coffee. Grit on.