Friday, February 19, 2010

Bring On Another Gruelling Year At Work

At my appraisal session today, what came out of my mouth was, "Boss, I'm happy that the department has found my contributions useful. I'd like to stay on and do what I can. I'm quite free. Pile it on please."

Then I groaned. What have I signed up for? You know, I've been thinking and thinking about quitting. There is no push factor. (Well, aside from the fact that not being able to install Skype on the work laptop does piss me off in a huge way.) I love my team, the environment and what I do, very much so. If there's ever a perfect job fit, this is it. But at the same time, the pull factors are strong. My time and efforts are increasingly needed in my personal charity projects which give me greater satisfaction that work achievements can never match. The double workload on dual fronts in January and early February stretched me to limits I've never gone before. Truth be told, I slacked off a bit at work so that I wouldn't be a total zombie in the nights when I pulled the charity shift.

The hibernation over the weekend was to mull over whether I should quit the job and focus on the other things I intend to do. Then, I'm reminded of a promise made and it must be fulfilled. I have to stay another year. I owe my boss that much. A promise holds greater weight than any legal bond. I've never bothered with scholarships or bonds. Why start now? The Imp Fund can more than feed and clothe an imp. Should I go study, I will resign to mark the start of another chapter. I'm thinking of studying because I truly enjoy the subjects. It's very clear that the point of studying is not to come back to a job hoping for a promotion or higher pay. Chances are, my area of studies will have nothing to do with a bankable job. Ha.

I mustn't quit just because I can. I have to acknowledge the blessing of a perfect job fit and not let it go to waste. Before you term me ungrateful, I'll have you know that my job doesn't sustain my lifestyle. It never has and it never will. The job has enriched me in many other priceless ways and made me a better person. I am however, grateful that my salary has contributed to the old folks on my roster. It has helped in many ways- think new wheelchair, extra sturdy handrails in the bathrooms and bedrooms of their flats, kettles, tv sets and supplies of medication. Of course there're the truly irksome bits in the job (say, the culture), but it's never that bad to justify walking away from it. The good moments still count. I've come to feel a sense of obligation and belonging to the department (not the organization). So it was with a newfound sense of purpose and peace that I joined the colleagues to lo hei at the local kopitiam.

Now, since I'm not quitting, can I collect all the money I've won from the bets and side bets? Don't think I dunno. Faster pay up. These earnings are more profitable than if I'd gone gambling at the casino. Tax-free too.


tuti said...

you know what's right for you. no conflicts there. good for you, imp.

jazzgal said...

OH SHIT. i have to pay? really?

imp said...

tuti: :) took a while to be clear-headed about it.

jazzgal: pay pay pay!

Yuling said...

It's so rare to find the perfect job fit. Your team is blessed to have you for sure!

imp said...

yuling: i certainly hope so.