Killing Plants

I’m not very fond of flowers or plants in the home, to be honest. The idea of plants on the patio horrifies me. Sorting out those pots of soil and pruning leaves and whatever are annoying tasks that could be replaced by happier activities. I don’t fancy gardening at all. Air plants and various types of cacti would likely be as decorative as far as the home goes.

Was just doing my usual reads of magazines and journals, and came across Charlotte Mendelson's short essay. Titled 'Why Are You So Good At Killing Your Houseplants' published in The New Yorker's September 21 2018 issue, the topic gave me a chuckle.

Photographers, journalists, and next-door neighbors claim that houseplants are the answer: babe magnet, hipster kryptonite, warmth-bringer, and reason to live, all in one. They insist that, unlike babies, partners, or pets, plants are easy; the usual sump of worry and responsibility, the constant questioning (“Do I want you? Do I like you? Will I kill you?”), doesn’t apply with peace lilies, cheese plants, and bonsai. Look at this photograph of a magnificent jungly something climbing toward a sunny skylight. “Oh, that old thing,” Jeffrey, an eco-architect, says. “I found it on a sidewalk. I water it once a year with craft beer, and that’s the lot.” Jeffrey is lying. He spends his days manicuring this photosynthesizing albatross, unable to get its mealybug problem out of his mind.

I highly doubt plants die from people not having green thumbs. Isn't it just an expression? It's got nothing to do with green thumbs or being brave. I'm simply not motivated to keep plants alive. Watering or tending to them doesn't appeal at all. The science of it is just as bad as baking.

The man likes plants. He apparently wants them all over the house. I told them that he will solely be their caregiver, and if I so much so as spot beetles and insects in any pot, I'll throw them out asap. LOL Now he's given his attention to looking for those easy-to-care for ready-to-grow LED planters. He wants homegrown herbs. We'll see.